Saturday, April 30, 2005
Then there's last night, sitting on the couch watching The Princess Bride, and suddenly I'm struck with the realization that I'm having trouble thinking of anywhere else I'd rather be.
Friday, April 29, 2005
I know what you're all thinking, and no, I wasn't even about to try to make a move on her. It was just too amazingly cool to have somebody to chill out with, and for her it was probably nice to be around a guy who, for a change, wasn't hitting on her.
Oh, and she loved the movie.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
The Passion of the Dude on the Corner
So there I am on Brown Street in Dayton walking from the parking lot
across the street over to this restaurant I've been wanting to try for a
while, Nothing But Noodles. It's a 'fast casual' chain. Brown St. is the
main drag with all the restaurants and bars for the University of Dayton.
Kinda like OSU's High St. Anyway, there's this college age guy who hangs
out by the lot preaching to passers-by about God. He's always there
around lunch time. Today he's talking about communication, and as I pass
by, he shouts to the wind, "I'm not telling you to go to church. I'm just
saying you need to take the time to talk with God!" Somebody calls back
"Because you're a psycho!". He smiles at this.
Honestly, I admire the man's conviction. I wish I felt that strongly
about something... or anything, really.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Do you realize the gravity of this gesture??
I made a nonpreinstructed purchase which benefits me. Only me. Not an 'us' purchase. Not a household purchase. Andy, with no external direction or authorization to do so, shopped for himself.
Fuck, that felt good!
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Go to Zero 7's site, find the videos section, use my email address (email@example.com) if you don't want to give yours out, and watch the video for "Destiny". It's an absolutely gorgeous portrait of people living their daily lives.
Then watch the others. Watch both versions of "Somersault". The song itself is good enough to listen to twice. I've thought of posting the lyrics. I may still some time. Anyway, watch the videos. You'll thank me later.
As the cello breathes its melody
From the Found Photos site. F-hole tattoos. How unbelievably awesome is that?? The artist Man Ray painted f-holes on a model back in the 20's and took a portrait... one of my favorites of his. I melt into a puddle at the perfect blending of the two most ultimate forms of beauty, string music and the female form. I am in utter awe.
I loved marching, especially in the milky darkness of pre-dawn where the dewy chill intensified the sweet grassy scents. I miss the ticking of Sgt. Banks' boot taps. I miss the dull thud of 50 hard rubber soles on pavement and the regular sway of the silhouetted figure ahead of me. No singing, no cadence being called, no human voices, just pure metronomic rhythm in the dark. It was music, and it was strangely comforting.
Monday, April 25, 2005
That's what I need. I need a soul vacation. I need to trace my way through the constellation. I need to get drops of Jupiter in my hair. I need to dance along the light of day. I need a stay on the moon. Most of all, I need to find that the idea of heaven that I've formed in my imagination is far overrated.
The song is about somebody going out and growing up. You can't just go "Poof!, I'm a mature adult now." Considering that I'm 26 and still as childish as a teenager, I've come to the conclusion that the largest portion of maturity (and the wisdom that accompanies) consists of life experience. The significant other in the song needed those experiences to grow as a human, or otherwise stagnate in a swamp of ignorance of the world, where innocense and childlike wonder slowly decay to uncertainty and feeling lost.
I am ignorant of this world. I am uncertain and I feel so hopelessly lost. And when I am on my own, tentatively planned to happen this winter, hopefully I'll get my chance to sail through the galaxy.
In fairness, I use the sidebar over there --> instead of the browser's bookmark list, but still... 290 visits?? I need to get out more.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
As the fable goes, the grasshopper who spent all summer jacking off discovered fatally too late that he hadn't anything to sustain him through the winter. As such, this Groverly grasshopper is going to open his own savings account and work his fat ass off through this summer as others play merrily. It will hurt. He will turn ninteteen emerald shades of green with envy at those around him. He will whine that his life is passing him by. (he tends to bitch a lot)
Alas, come the snowy season (both figuratively and literally), when it's time to put down the proverbial pickaxe and shovel, he'll be both in the greatest need of, and also uninhibited to enjoy the hard-earned fruits of his labor.
And this winter is going to be the biggest, blurriest, most explosive fucking blast of his life.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
I have this to say:
If you are a pharmacist, and you deny women their legally and properly prescribed medications because you are holier-than-thou, YOU HAVE NO PLACE IN THE PHARMACY.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Make it go away
This tableau, frozen in my mind's eye, fills me with a feeling which the closest word I can think to describe it, is horror. I am terrified by what I'm watching. I want to run away from it. To me it looks like living death.
(Ok, so I was kidding about the swinger club. The only affordable one here in Dayton has a strict no-male-bisexuality rule. Nazi homophobes. I'm a freak like that.)
Seriously. What I really reeeeealy want to do is go dance, but from what I hear, the clubs around here are either trashy meat markets that play top 40 pop crap, deathtraps where you will get mugged in the parking lot, or uppity dress-to-impress martini-sipping sex-in-the-city-style snobvilles. I'm sorry, but after I come home from work and ditch the monkey suit, I want to shower, put on the jeans and t-shirt and let my hair down (so to speak), not pimp myself out.
(me. a pimp. snickering at the idea of me dressed like Huggy Bear)
Friday night I'm gonna meet Angela after work over a glass or two of beer and catch up on all the latest goings on at Honda and basically re-unload all the baggage I just subjected Yvonne to yesterday. Attention and pity. It's fucking more addictive than heroin. Anyhoo, she goes out a lot with her friends, I think I'll ask her for some fun things to do.
I forgot to mention, the fortune cookie I got when we went over to Becky's last week:
"You will be advanced socially, without any special effort."
Well, it's about freaking time! You know, for lately (and especially today for some reason), everybody at work has been talking up a storm to me and being all smiley and "You're so sweet, Andy!" It's quite an unusual (and welcome) departure from the usual "Oh God, it's talking to me." look I'm accustomed to getting.
This concludes today's drivelling stream-of-consciousness. :-)
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Hey, even Shakespeare used the word "puking"
[I pause momentarily to introspect]
I can't believe it. I say that to everybody I know. I dispense that advice more frequently than an "Our exquisite replica of..." machine in a truck stop bathroom douses people with oily smelly ooze. ("How would you know about that? Hmm?" I hear you ask. I plead the fifth.) It drives me up the fucking wall when people dissect, analyze, misinterpret, and overreact to every little far-fetched "what-if" their imaginations can concoct to support their worst fears, however obviously unrealistic.
And there I am, doing exactly that.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Brilliant tactic. Absolute genius.
True sexy talk...
Design from the T Shirt Hell website. Honestly, I want a girl whose heartbeat quickens, eyes widen, and nether region gets all tingly whenever she hears those magic words, "Tornado Watch in effect for Miami, Darke, Preble, Shelby, and Montgomery counties..."
Yes, I am a weather nerd.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
One step forward, two steps back
just to pay the rent. So maybe later on I'll go to some other college for some other career. Some other time. There's always a later on.
Monday, April 18, 2005
"Genius is wisdom and youth."
So there I am last night, lounging on the back porch, reading "Silent Bob
Speaks" by Kevin Smith, and sipping ginger ale with a spot of Jim Beam.
After a few drinks and a warm comfortable buzz, I stop. Not because I was
getting sick or tired or anything. I just didn't want to get shit-faced.
So I stopped. Then a frightening thought struck me... am I getting old
and prudent before having the chance to be young and foolish? As soon as
that idea hit, however, I had another realization:
Given the way things are headed, maybe that's not such a bad thing.
(p.s. the title is my favorite line from the stage version of "Spoon
Sunday, April 17, 2005
What Dreams May Come
But really, when I think all the way to the very end of things, what I want more than anything is to be lying on my deathbed looking up at my beautiful grown-up children. Just as I slip quietly into the night, I want to gasp my final words to them, "I love you all more than you could ever know. And, damn, was life fun!" And in this dream, nobody cries. Instead, they smile because they know I was right.
I will get there. Just you watch.
Friday, April 15, 2005
Castles in the Sky
In Dayton, the old Dayton Power & Light powerplant is (was) this grand old structure that has been abandoned for years. Styled after a castle, it was complete with arrow loops on the roof and gothic arched windows. It was truly a sight to behold, and for years I meant to get some pictures of it. But there was always tomorrow. Always next week. Always later to get it done. Well, they started knocking the building down last week, so at least I had the time to take some portraits of the portions left standing... girders sticking out every which way, windows smashed out. I'll never have a picture of my own documenting the imposing structure I had admired for so many years. There isn't any more next week, or even a tomorrow for me to make up for my inaction.
A bit of a metaphor for life, isn't it? Sometimes, for those who wait, good things pass right on by.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
There. I said it. Now you know for sure.
You Say Tomato
On the way to work this morning there was a McDonald's commercial on the
radio. The lady doing the voiceover boasted of the coffee being 100%
arabica. The thing is, she pronounced it "uh-RAB-ic-uh", and I always
thought it was "AIR-uh-BEAK-uh". Is this a case of potato vs. potahto?
I'd hate to think I was saying it wrong all along.
Monday, April 11, 2005
Think about it
Last night I was watching the Discovery Channel movie "Super Volcano",
which, along the lines of "The Day After Tomorrow", is a big 'what if'
about the magma pool under Yellowstone National Park erupting so big that
it makes Mt. St. Helens look like a 4th of July firecracker. Then I'm at
work reading a thing about how the the 'it' thing to do is play off of
peoples' religious paranoia about the end times drawing near.
Then something clicked. I'm no Bible scholar, but weren't a few of
Revelation's events that day turns to night, air turns to poison, rivers
and the moon turn to blood? Well, that describes a catastrohpic volcanic
eruption exactly. Day turns to night under the ash cloud. The falling
ash turns the air to poison, making the very act of breathing deadly. The
sulphur dioxide belched out makes skies all over the world a brilliant
deep red, which would reflect off waters making rivers appear as if they
were flowing with blood.
Creepy, huh? :-)
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Just testing the function where you can email posts to your blog.
Yep, I'm sending this from good ol' firstname.lastname@example.org.
While I'm here, I have to say that I can't quite pin down exactly what
it is, but The Cardigans' song "Erase And Rewind" makes me horny every
time I hear it.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Sooner or Later
I realized something. What I get from these pictures, be them celebs, nude New Yorkers, or even random acts of senseless living (as in the
Found Photos website, of which I am so enamoured), is nothing short of pure love. Pure joy. Pure wide-eyed innocent wonder. And what I want, more than anything, is to pass on that raw emotion to others, even if only one other person out there can grasp what it is I am trying so awkwardly to say. If I can inspire in somebody who looks at any of the photos I've posted even just a hint of the child-like wonder I feel when looking at others' photos, then...I don't know what then. It would just mean the world to me.
Returning to the topic of self-portraiture, it's not that I'm using it as peacock feathers. The point is not to say "Look at Andy! Pay attention to Andy!", but rather, "Appreciate this random face, for the person (and spirit) behind it admires others, and rest assured he admires and loves you." I want people to be comforted by it, as I am by other peoples' portraits. Does that make any sense?
I know what I'm trying to say, it's just coming out all weird. I'll get it right sooner or later.
Friday, April 08, 2005
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
I found Jesus. He was behind the couch all this time.
Spiritual longing gone sour. Very poetic. Hmm.... possibly the root of some of my slightly more shallow desires? But how to quench this "spiritual longing"? Church frightens me. Tried the pagan thing, but found it just isn't my bag. Buddhism? Hinduism? Zoroastrianism?
Dammit. I hate this.
Monday, April 04, 2005
Sketches from Sinclair. The words on the side of the page are lines from a song I heard listening to WYSO. (who streams over the internet, hence the link. You'll thank me later.) I thougth they were nice I wrote them down before I forgot them.