Ok, so that was a little over-emphatic
That's what you get when you combine the flash of anger (and grief, somewhat), an unusually long, exhausting, and otherwise bad mood day with blogging at 2am. I was expecting to check out my favorite blog and be comforted by some fresh new witticism or anecdotal wisdom that I've grown so fond of (which I considered to be the highlight of my day), but instead am greeted with a total erasure of the past and a goodbye caused by circumstances beyond anybody's control.
I am half tempted to delete the previous post before too many people read it, but that would be neither fair to you or true to myself. This blog is the sleeve upon which I wear my heart. And it broke last night.
When I said I fell in love with Citrus, I didn't mean the kind between he and Hugo. This isn't some "I ain't gay" speech, either, because I clearly have tendancies in that direction. I looked up to Citrus, and had developed a deep admiration and affection for him. I didn't even realize just how much he meant to me until I sat there staring blankly at the monitor for a minute or two, eyes welling up. Maybe I had started to develop feelings otherwise... I don't know.
I know this sounds a bit like a eulogy, and to a certain degree, it is. I feel like I suddenly and unexpectedly lost a dear friend without the opportunity to say goodbye.
So, goodbye Citrus. I wish you the best of luck. Love to you and Hugo.
I am half tempted to delete the previous post before too many people read it, but that would be neither fair to you or true to myself. This blog is the sleeve upon which I wear my heart. And it broke last night.
When I said I fell in love with Citrus, I didn't mean the kind between he and Hugo. This isn't some "I ain't gay" speech, either, because I clearly have tendancies in that direction. I looked up to Citrus, and had developed a deep admiration and affection for him. I didn't even realize just how much he meant to me until I sat there staring blankly at the monitor for a minute or two, eyes welling up. Maybe I had started to develop feelings otherwise... I don't know.
I know this sounds a bit like a eulogy, and to a certain degree, it is. I feel like I suddenly and unexpectedly lost a dear friend without the opportunity to say goodbye.
So, goodbye Citrus. I wish you the best of luck. Love to you and Hugo.
posted by Grover at 5/17/2005 03:58:00 PM
4 Comments:
I'm a little freaked out at how quickly I'm getting attached to some of my readers. I've established a couple ongoing email relationships and the support I've gotten on my blog has been incredibly powerful in rekindling my ability and desire to write.
Citrus was a big part of that. He found me a while back and through him, I've gotten a lot of cool new readers, like you.
It's really sad to see him go, and I've only had him around for about 6 weeks, so yeah. Weird. Strange. Sad. :(
The Last Ditch.
One of the bonuses and burdens of the blogging world is that we tend to find people that we genuinely click with.
People that make us smile everytime they speak.
I'm sure most of us get attached to these people, so deeply. Yet the links between us are exceptionally fragile - to most of my great blog friends, the only links I have are their log and if I'm very lucky an email address. Both of which are deletable in an instant.
If someone stops posting without giving reason anything could've happened, and I panic and worry - knowing that I'll probably never know.
Dangerous game losing your heart to a voice in the ether - but ultimately worth the gambles I feel.
To compensate for the lack of reality, my log has, and always has, sufficient information to track me in reality. A large risk, and one that I've taken on the net for around 10 years. I'd prefer to be wiped out by a malicious stalker or hater than be hidden, and unreachable to my friends should they need me.
Grover ...
i know what you mean ... exactly. i think there were a few of us that he really got to. i cried last night as well. i was shocked. hurt. and very sad.
i will miss him deeply. if he emails you ... please let him know that he and Hugo are loved .. very much.
and you also take care of yourself. this hurts, i know.
Thank you guys. I feel much better knowing I'm not alone in this.
Orb - I'm with you on that. Very dangerous game, and I feel that it's much better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. My heart is free for the taking, people. All you need to do is grab it.
Steff - And I hope that what he inspired you to start, you don't ever stop.
Raven - Depsite the hope, I think we both know he'll never make contact again. Oh well. We've all got each other.
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