Just a spoonful of acid makes the hair clog go down...

My tub's drain has come to a damn near stand-still, so I buy this psychotically strong drain un-clogger.  It's so corrosive that the bottle is sealed in a plastic bag.  I also buy latex gloves up to my elbows.  So I get home and pour half the bottle down the drain, and....

OH

HOLY

FUCK!!

This stuff is PUTRID.  It's basically just sulfuric acid, heavy on the sulfur, and even heavier on the ASS-id.  Immediately my entire apartment is filled with this near asphyxiatingly rancid smell of rotten eggs and DEATH, so while it's 20 degrees outside, I scramble, gasping, putting a fan exhausting air out my kitchen window and another in the front window pulling fresh outside air in.

I wait the requisite 15 minutes, gulp in a lungful of ice cold fresh air, and run to the bathroom and turn on the cold water.

It doesn't drain.

Screw this, I'm off to the bar.