Oh, the uncharted waters...
Conditions have recently changed in my life, so that lately I've been thinking. In a past IM conversation with Chickpea, I mentioned that I'd rather die entangled in jellyfish tentacles than be in another relationship. Of course, she called me on my bullshit, telling me that I do want to be tied down with the right girl.
There is truth to that, as I replied to her that I can't freakin wait to fall in love, but at the same time, I have some very fond memories of spending time by myself. I remember going to the movie theatre at the mall and seeing "The Net" (remember that old Sandra Bullock movie?), and then going to the food court and treating myself to a nice big slice of pizza. And only a few years ago, when Caro went out to visit her mom in New Jersey, one night I picked up a magazine, headed over to Olive Garden, and had a wonderful meal, complete with appetizer and dessert. Afterwards, I cruised over to Yellow Springs, skated around town for a bit, and caught a musical performance at Peach's Grill. Those are solitary moments that I look back on as absolute bliss.
But then, maybe they would've been infinitely greater had I somebody to share them with. Who knows? I have no basis for comparison.
... which leads to a very pleasant problem: somebody likes me. And this isn't just 'like' with a lower-case l, it's the good ol' Wonder Years "she Likes me, likes me". (do you have any idea how long that took to sink in? Still having trouble swallowing it.) I have to admit, I really like her too.
"What's the problem?" I hear you ask.
Well... as mentioned to Chickpea, I'm so eager (nigh desperate) to find people who accept me, that I'm afraid I'll mistake the heady intoxicated feeling of being wanted for the real deal, and lead her on... to disaster. See, I don't trust myself, and I really don't want to be anything other than 100% fair. My quandary: 1) I like being alone too much, and 2) I'm afraid my eye will start roving. At the same time, though, damn she's all I can think about. (and talk about at work)
But then, maybe I'm reading too much into the situation. She'll probably read this and think "Jeez, Andy. Chill the fuck out." Really, it's that I've never had to deal with people before, and I don't have a clue how this works. I've always had a distance from having to socialize more than day-to-day pleasantries. Actual personal interaction is foreign to me, and frankly, I'm scared to death and chomping at the bit at the same time.
But there isn't anything I can't learn.
There is truth to that, as I replied to her that I can't freakin wait to fall in love, but at the same time, I have some very fond memories of spending time by myself. I remember going to the movie theatre at the mall and seeing "The Net" (remember that old Sandra Bullock movie?), and then going to the food court and treating myself to a nice big slice of pizza. And only a few years ago, when Caro went out to visit her mom in New Jersey, one night I picked up a magazine, headed over to Olive Garden, and had a wonderful meal, complete with appetizer and dessert. Afterwards, I cruised over to Yellow Springs, skated around town for a bit, and caught a musical performance at Peach's Grill. Those are solitary moments that I look back on as absolute bliss.
But then, maybe they would've been infinitely greater had I somebody to share them with. Who knows? I have no basis for comparison.
... which leads to a very pleasant problem: somebody likes me. And this isn't just 'like' with a lower-case l, it's the good ol' Wonder Years "she Likes me, likes me". (do you have any idea how long that took to sink in? Still having trouble swallowing it.) I have to admit, I really like her too.
"What's the problem?" I hear you ask.
Well... as mentioned to Chickpea, I'm so eager (nigh desperate) to find people who accept me, that I'm afraid I'll mistake the heady intoxicated feeling of being wanted for the real deal, and lead her on... to disaster. See, I don't trust myself, and I really don't want to be anything other than 100% fair. My quandary: 1) I like being alone too much, and 2) I'm afraid my eye will start roving. At the same time, though, damn she's all I can think about. (and talk about at work)
But then, maybe I'm reading too much into the situation. She'll probably read this and think "Jeez, Andy. Chill the fuck out." Really, it's that I've never had to deal with people before, and I don't have a clue how this works. I've always had a distance from having to socialize more than day-to-day pleasantries. Actual personal interaction is foreign to me, and frankly, I'm scared to death and chomping at the bit at the same time.
But there isn't anything I can't learn.
posted by Grover at 8/10/2005 08:35:00 AM
6 Comments:
I say go for it. Jump in with both feet.
If it doesn't work, life goes on.
But if it's the right thing and it passes you by, your regret in the years to come will never be quelled. Seriously.
We all have those moments. "What the fuck was I thinking?" Hesitancy kills.
Do it, or deal with the fact that you WILL regret it and you will ALWAYS wonder if you fucked up.
If you try, one way or the other, you know, and knowledge can never be regretted.
Or so I say.
Cunting Linguist.
Yup, got to agree with Steph as usual. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. What's the worst that could happen?
Ok, you talked me into it. My only problem... she lives 1000 miles away. :-(
Andy, I know this perfect woman that you speak of. In fact, she is my best friend and is perfect in every way!
All I can say is "Give her a chance if you want someone AMAZING in your life!"
Ardra! Welcome! I've heard so much about you on TG's blog. You give a very strong vouch for your friend, and from what I've seen, I believe you.
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