This does have a confidant outcome, bear with me...
You know what? Fuck those motherfuckers I work with! I show up in the parking lot at 10pm on the nose, wearing the shirt I bought specifically for this occasion, only to run into two other people who just got off shift and have them tell me that they changed their minds at the last minute. (sound familiar?) I was told that they went to BW3's instead. So I go there and look all around the whole goddamned restaurant and bar area and nobody's there. So I spend the next half an hour driving back and forth between Bee-dub's and Lowes' parking lot looking for the crowd that was supposed to go out tonight.
An entire crowd doesn't just vanish, and obviously, everybody else knew where to go except for me. Fuck them all, I hope they rot in Hell. I'm glad my contract is up in two weeks so I don't have to be around any of those back stabbers for much longer. The could've at least shot me point blank in the heart and told me to fuck off instead of stabbing me in the back and ditching me like this.
So, all dejected and feeling like maybe I am some kind of creep that people can't stand to be around, I go to D's where I know nobody will be (like last week), and I can get trashed in quiet solitary peace without the hassle of having to deal with any other motherfucking humans. I down a pitcher of beer and order a small pizza with mushrooms and black and green olives, which a bartender extraordinare and very nice and pretty girl I went to high school with elevated to the point of culinary sculpture. What a beautiful pizza it was.
To make a long story short, I'm all depressed watching muted football until some goddamned bastard goes to the jukebox and selects a masterful sequence of catchy tunes. Seriously, this guy should be a DJ. I start moving in my seat, and contrary to my mood, start singing along to a few songs. Then, I hear the greatest song ever concieved and composed by the mind of man, equalling or maybe even surpassing the masterpieces of Beethoven and Dvorak:
Prince's "Sexy Motherfucker"
Sitting alone at the bar, I laugh my ass off outloud through the entire song, it's so perfect. "Shake that ass! Shake that ass! Shake that ass, you sexy motherfucker!"
Long story short, I am instantly elevated to a fantastic mood upon hearing this song, and eat my pizza and get stupidly drunk all with a grin on my face. They even sell bottles to go, so I pick up four bottles which I am in the process of consuming now as I type this here in the safety of my room.
Jackasses at work don't know what they're missing in me. Fuck them! I'm capable of having one helluva party all by me onesy, greater than if I were in the thick of a drunken orgy of Norwegian lesbians. They're all missing out on me. I am a force to be reckoned with!
Fuckers. Motherfuckers! I absolutely pity them for having to spend a night out without me. I so totally rock, it hurts. :-)
---
Addendum:
Ok, it's a mercifully hangover free sunday morning now, thanks to those Chaser pills that I bought. Best $6 I've ever spent, because under normal circumstances, I'd be hating life right about now.
Anyway, there's something that I've been waffling over whether or not to write about, being so personal as to be almost sacred. A dear friend of the family passed away friday morning, and I'll write a more fitting tribute after the funeral tuesday. Last night, though, I took a moment to raise a glass and silently toast his memory.
An entire crowd doesn't just vanish, and obviously, everybody else knew where to go except for me. Fuck them all, I hope they rot in Hell. I'm glad my contract is up in two weeks so I don't have to be around any of those back stabbers for much longer. The could've at least shot me point blank in the heart and told me to fuck off instead of stabbing me in the back and ditching me like this.
So, all dejected and feeling like maybe I am some kind of creep that people can't stand to be around, I go to D's where I know nobody will be (like last week), and I can get trashed in quiet solitary peace without the hassle of having to deal with any other motherfucking humans. I down a pitcher of beer and order a small pizza with mushrooms and black and green olives, which a bartender extraordinare and very nice and pretty girl I went to high school with elevated to the point of culinary sculpture. What a beautiful pizza it was.
To make a long story short, I'm all depressed watching muted football until some goddamned bastard goes to the jukebox and selects a masterful sequence of catchy tunes. Seriously, this guy should be a DJ. I start moving in my seat, and contrary to my mood, start singing along to a few songs. Then, I hear the greatest song ever concieved and composed by the mind of man, equalling or maybe even surpassing the masterpieces of Beethoven and Dvorak:
Prince's "Sexy Motherfucker"
Sitting alone at the bar, I laugh my ass off outloud through the entire song, it's so perfect. "Shake that ass! Shake that ass! Shake that ass, you sexy motherfucker!"
Long story short, I am instantly elevated to a fantastic mood upon hearing this song, and eat my pizza and get stupidly drunk all with a grin on my face. They even sell bottles to go, so I pick up four bottles which I am in the process of consuming now as I type this here in the safety of my room.
Jackasses at work don't know what they're missing in me. Fuck them! I'm capable of having one helluva party all by me onesy, greater than if I were in the thick of a drunken orgy of Norwegian lesbians. They're all missing out on me. I am a force to be reckoned with!
Fuckers. Motherfuckers! I absolutely pity them for having to spend a night out without me. I so totally rock, it hurts. :-)
---
Addendum:
Ok, it's a mercifully hangover free sunday morning now, thanks to those Chaser pills that I bought. Best $6 I've ever spent, because under normal circumstances, I'd be hating life right about now.
Anyway, there's something that I've been waffling over whether or not to write about, being so personal as to be almost sacred. A dear friend of the family passed away friday morning, and I'll write a more fitting tribute after the funeral tuesday. Last night, though, I took a moment to raise a glass and silently toast his memory.
posted by Grover at 12/18/2005 01:26:00 AM
6 Comments:
Seriously! I so totally rock it absolutely hurts!
God, I'm wasted! But at least I can still mind my grammar.
Wasted or un, you DO totally rock! Plus you get bonus points for having the decency to consider grammar. Have you read Eats, Shoots, and Leaves?
I'm very sorry to hear about your family friend though. My thoughts are with their people.
I asked if you wanted to come out with me and my crew. WTF did you even go in BW3's umm cuz if you had you would have seen me there with a couple of friend that would have glady let you come into our drinking fest! And you could have met Dave my new love intrest. We are all going out Friday night after we get off work if you would like to come!!! I e-mailed you my number!
Ok, so we all know you rock. LOL! But, look I told you before that you should not going looking forthings, and see you were not expecting the great time you had with...you. Never hang out with the people that you work with, it usually causes problems. Anyway, you seem to have pulled out of it. If you need to talk, mail me. "little hand, big hand."
First off, you guys know me. Alcohol makes my emotions run a little hotter than usual, so if I'm happy, I get deleriously happy, and if I'm upset, I fly into a raging fit. I had one of the girls' number, I just left it on my desk at work. This was simply a case of miscommunication, I'm sure. I bet if I wouldn't've forgotten her number, I could've called and she'd be all "Oh, we're at such-and-such, come on over!"
But I never pass an opportunity to beat myself up. Really trying not to do that so much.
Barbara - I actually flipped through it once, but never sat down and read it. I love the title, though. :-) Thank you for your thoughts.
Becky - And I'd've gotten it if I'd remember to check my tribe account more than once every two months. :-) Thanks for the offer, I'll definitely have to take you up on it. When do you guys get off work?
Anon - Yeah, but I'm kinda sick of going out alone. Is a pack to run around with too much to ask for?
BTW, I just found out (if anybody reads this post, as I'm typing this in January) that the main girl invited me in the first place didn't show up because of a family medical emergency.
Ok, so I feel like a total asshole now.
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