Hi all! Lots happening lately, I'll go all "Mememto" style and start from the present and work backwards...
I am currently drinking beer and eating generic blueberry pop tarts. Not a good combination by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm hungry and wanting to maintain my buzz.
So I get off work tonight, and on my way home decide I need to consume at least a little alcohol this weekend, so I head over to Buffalo Wild Wings before calling it a night. I drink a couple of glasses of beer and pick up one of those NTN trivia pads. I proceed to totally kick ass in trivia, all the while doing my little head-nod-butt-wiggle bar stool dance to the several dollars' worth of carefully selected geek music playing from the jukebox. It's the simple things that amuse me. Andy has a fantastic spontaneous moment. I'm feeling too good, and stop to pick up some beer on the way home.
Was sacked out saturday night and napped through my otherwise planned trip to Hobart Arena for public skating. The Ontarios are lonely and calling to me from my car's trunk. "Skate us... Skate us..." they say. I kept saying to Chuck how bored I was, and despite his simple advice "Well, then. Go out." I was too tired and my back was still super stiff from the previous night's festivities.
Worked till close friday night, but not without agreeing to meet up with Dark Haired Girl at Dunaway's. So I show up as St. Patrick's Day's festivities are winding down, and we head over to the Brewery. It's shoulder to shoulder, front to back packed in there, and while we're there, a couple of guys nearly get into a fight on the dance floor. Dark Haired Girl is standing against a wall, and I immediately get all puffy-chested and protective, stepping in front of her facing the arguing dudes until a bouncer breaks them up. I figure, if a brawl breaks out, I want to be between her
and it.
You know, there's something distictly homoerotic about guys about to fight. Sure, there's the initial nonverbal posturing, but then as the arguing ensues in a near-deafeningly loud environment, they take turns leaning into each other, putting an arm around the other's shoulder, and talking into their ear (lips nearly touching the other's lobe), all the while making aggresive pointing gestures with the free hand. It kinda turned me on.
Anyway, succumbing to Dark Haired Girls devious smiles at me, I drive her car instead of mine back to her apartment and... well... let's just say that my back still kinda hurts. ;-)
---
Speaking of, upon reading my last post while we were talking on the phone, Dark Haired Girl and I had a discussion to the tune of "Don't you be falling in love with me." on her part. Of course, I knew this from the very beginning. We're friends first, and anything else just happens if it happens.
Now what have I been saying for some time now? That I don't want the first girl I meet after Caroline to be the last woman I meet? That I don't want a relationship, but a friend with benefits? Remember when I wrote "I don't want to be the center of your universe, just one of the brighter stars shining within you"?
See, I finally found exactly what I've been wishing so hard for, and only through said over-analysis (and her verbal wake-up) did I process and comprehend these intense emotions I've been feeling to this happy conclusion.
Do I wish we could be boyfriend/girlfriend? Maybe. But I also realize that is anti-advantageous to both of us for various personal reasons. Therefore, the current setup is absolutely perfect. I've mucho growing up to do before thinking about any sort of relationship with anybody.
Problem is, I'm still lonely. I maintain what I screamed to the heavens the night right before I met her. I give up. I give up trying to meet people. I give up on women. Setback after setback after setback have indicated to me that Dark Haired Girl's positive attention is a rare and fleeting anomaly in the grand scheme of things. From watching the same pimp daddies thursday night (as every goddamned thursday night) at Dunaway's have women flocking all around them, and then walking out the door with them, I'm still pretty much invisible.
You know, this post was going so good, and I've talked myself down into a bad mood. I hate when I do that. Here, I'll boost my ego and give you a couple of kick-butt pictures all in one swift upload. Here are the photos I printed out on 13x19 paper at school:
Oh yeah.
---
Last week I mentioned black and white film to my camera skills instructor, and he offered to show me how to develop it myself. So last saturday after class, he took the extra time to walk me through the process. I spooled the film into a little plastic canister in this little pitch-dark room no larger than a phone booth, added the chemicals, agitated, washed, rinsed, and dried the film all by hand. In the end, I held the strip up to the light, and there were my images, clear and crisp. I almost got teary, it was such a simple and absolutely beautiful process of creation.
I had brought my own photos to life. Not through a lab, but with my own two hands and the advice of a mentor.
I am currently drinking beer and eating generic blueberry pop tarts. Not a good combination by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm hungry and wanting to maintain my buzz.
So I get off work tonight, and on my way home decide I need to consume at least a little alcohol this weekend, so I head over to Buffalo Wild Wings before calling it a night. I drink a couple of glasses of beer and pick up one of those NTN trivia pads. I proceed to totally kick ass in trivia, all the while doing my little head-nod-butt-wiggle bar stool dance to the several dollars' worth of carefully selected geek music playing from the jukebox. It's the simple things that amuse me. Andy has a fantastic spontaneous moment. I'm feeling too good, and stop to pick up some beer on the way home.
Was sacked out saturday night and napped through my otherwise planned trip to Hobart Arena for public skating. The Ontarios are lonely and calling to me from my car's trunk. "Skate us... Skate us..." they say. I kept saying to Chuck how bored I was, and despite his simple advice "Well, then. Go out." I was too tired and my back was still super stiff from the previous night's festivities.
Worked till close friday night, but not without agreeing to meet up with Dark Haired Girl at Dunaway's. So I show up as St. Patrick's Day's festivities are winding down, and we head over to the Brewery. It's shoulder to shoulder, front to back packed in there, and while we're there, a couple of guys nearly get into a fight on the dance floor. Dark Haired Girl is standing against a wall, and I immediately get all puffy-chested and protective, stepping in front of her facing the arguing dudes until a bouncer breaks them up. I figure, if a brawl breaks out, I want to be between her
and it.
You know, there's something distictly homoerotic about guys about to fight. Sure, there's the initial nonverbal posturing, but then as the arguing ensues in a near-deafeningly loud environment, they take turns leaning into each other, putting an arm around the other's shoulder, and talking into their ear (lips nearly touching the other's lobe), all the while making aggresive pointing gestures with the free hand. It kinda turned me on.
Anyway, succumbing to Dark Haired Girls devious smiles at me, I drive her car instead of mine back to her apartment and... well... let's just say that my back still kinda hurts. ;-)
---
Speaking of, upon reading my last post while we were talking on the phone, Dark Haired Girl and I had a discussion to the tune of "Don't you be falling in love with me." on her part. Of course, I knew this from the very beginning. We're friends first, and anything else just happens if it happens.
Now what have I been saying for some time now? That I don't want the first girl I meet after Caroline to be the last woman I meet? That I don't want a relationship, but a friend with benefits? Remember when I wrote "I don't want to be the center of your universe, just one of the brighter stars shining within you"?
See, I finally found exactly what I've been wishing so hard for, and only through said over-analysis (and her verbal wake-up) did I process and comprehend these intense emotions I've been feeling to this happy conclusion.
Do I wish we could be boyfriend/girlfriend? Maybe. But I also realize that is anti-advantageous to both of us for various personal reasons. Therefore, the current setup is absolutely perfect. I've mucho growing up to do before thinking about any sort of relationship with anybody.
Problem is, I'm still lonely. I maintain what I screamed to the heavens the night right before I met her. I give up. I give up trying to meet people. I give up on women. Setback after setback after setback have indicated to me that Dark Haired Girl's positive attention is a rare and fleeting anomaly in the grand scheme of things. From watching the same pimp daddies thursday night (as every goddamned thursday night) at Dunaway's have women flocking all around them, and then walking out the door with them, I'm still pretty much invisible.
You know, this post was going so good, and I've talked myself down into a bad mood. I hate when I do that. Here, I'll boost my ego and give you a couple of kick-butt pictures all in one swift upload. Here are the photos I printed out on 13x19 paper at school:
Oh yeah.
---
Last week I mentioned black and white film to my camera skills instructor, and he offered to show me how to develop it myself. So last saturday after class, he took the extra time to walk me through the process. I spooled the film into a little plastic canister in this little pitch-dark room no larger than a phone booth, added the chemicals, agitated, washed, rinsed, and dried the film all by hand. In the end, I held the strip up to the light, and there were my images, clear and crisp. I almost got teary, it was such a simple and absolutely beautiful process of creation.
I had brought my own photos to life. Not through a lab, but with my own two hands and the advice of a mentor.
posted by Grover at 3/20/2006 12:59:00 AM
7 Comments:
You know, I need to stop complaining and start counting my blessings. Can't I ever be happy? It seems I'm always getting what I want and then finding some reason to dig up drama about it. I've now found exactly what I want in Dark Haired Girl... a friend I can talk with for hours, sex that is noncommittal and no-strings yet still completely heartfelt and meaningful, and kisses that set my hair on fire.
And here I am bitching about the circumstances. Some people are never satisfied. From this point on, I declare myself grown up a little more.
Wow. That felt good. Personal evolution unfolding before your very eyes! :-)
We all say we want those things but then our heart gets involved and it all goes out the window.
As always, great pics.
Whew, is it warm in here, or did someone just describe a bar brawl in the most erotic manner? No wonder Fight Club was such a hit!
I'm glad you bitch-slapped yourself because otherwise I was gonna do it for you. You got exactly what you wanted with DHG so hush.
Nan - but beauty of the situation is (thus far anyway) that hearts are involved. That's where the friends part comes into play. There's just no expectations or pressure between us. But you are right... I do feel a twinge of envy whenever I see a happy couple. I try to keep a hold on remembering how I so envied people in my shoes just a few short months ago. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, for sure, but it's pretty damned emerald underfoot right now. :-)
And thanks for the compliment on the photos. They're both going in my final portfolio for Camera Skills. Took them both on the same day the other day. I was in "the zone". :-)
Barbara - You know, and that's why I think I enjoyed moshing so much...
Anon - Do they pay you to spam blogs individually by hand?
Chickpea - I knew I could rely on you for the absolute blunt truth. :-) You're like a protective big sister to me.
dude that's weird. I went from object of lust to protective big sister. ewwww!
"Like" a sister, Shutterbug. A simile, not literal comparison. You are still a person about whom I feel many things, one bing abject lust. Don't worry your sexy little head. ;-)
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