That's one small step for an everyday shmoe...
But one giant leap for your dear Grover. Today, under urging, I removed the wedding band. I was going to wait until all was said and done and official, but now that it's off I can't imagine putting it back on.
Strangely, I'm getting weird blend of feelings. It's unnatural yet burden-relieving. Bordering on uncomfortable, yet incredibly freeing. I took some pictures of my left hand this afternoon, my finger still freshly dented, tanned, and chapped where the ring was. This seemed far too important an event not to document. What a brave new world this has suddenly become.
---
I was looking at the Found Photos site again, and I realized something. I've always felt that my pictures lack something, and I realized that it's human presence. Unless I'm taking a photo of myself, or maybe some stray passer-by, I don't have any people to take pictures of. My camera is a way of communicating the world that I see, and the little details that I busy with to distract myself in lieu of other people in my life to interact with. I realized, fuck, I'm really lonely.
But! But, but, but... lest this be a downer of a post, I have a silver lining. With the ring removal came a shift in attitude. I will not wait until November to start my life. I am not going to let external decisions control me like that. A few weeks ago I joined the Yahoo group for Dayton Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Trans social events, and got an email from a gay couple here in Troy asking if I wanted to get together. Not a sex thing, just hang out. I told them that I was waiting until I was free in September. Well, I emailed them back apologizing for the brush-off, and that I'd love to get together. On top of this, I emailed Angela and we're getting together again Thursday at Avalanche. Now that I've gotten everything off my chest to her, this will be the first time I can fully relax and just enjoy her company. Looking very forward to that.
Yes, I'm lonely, but my social life is slowly and surely re-animating back into functionality. Wish me luck!
Strangely, I'm getting weird blend of feelings. It's unnatural yet burden-relieving. Bordering on uncomfortable, yet incredibly freeing. I took some pictures of my left hand this afternoon, my finger still freshly dented, tanned, and chapped where the ring was. This seemed far too important an event not to document. What a brave new world this has suddenly become.
---
I was looking at the Found Photos site again, and I realized something. I've always felt that my pictures lack something, and I realized that it's human presence. Unless I'm taking a photo of myself, or maybe some stray passer-by, I don't have any people to take pictures of. My camera is a way of communicating the world that I see, and the little details that I busy with to distract myself in lieu of other people in my life to interact with. I realized, fuck, I'm really lonely.
But! But, but, but... lest this be a downer of a post, I have a silver lining. With the ring removal came a shift in attitude. I will not wait until November to start my life. I am not going to let external decisions control me like that. A few weeks ago I joined the Yahoo group for Dayton Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Trans social events, and got an email from a gay couple here in Troy asking if I wanted to get together. Not a sex thing, just hang out. I told them that I was waiting until I was free in September. Well, I emailed them back apologizing for the brush-off, and that I'd love to get together. On top of this, I emailed Angela and we're getting together again Thursday at Avalanche. Now that I've gotten everything off my chest to her, this will be the first time I can fully relax and just enjoy her company. Looking very forward to that.
Yes, I'm lonely, but my social life is slowly and surely re-animating back into functionality. Wish me luck!
posted by Grover at 5/23/2005 11:37:00 PM
6 Comments:
taking the ring off is the most liberating thing i ever did...of course i had to go buy a silver one to put in it's place because the finger being nekkid left me feeling lonely.
It took me a long time to remove my wedding ring. I think it was so hard because removing it meant that it was really over.
Naked. That's a good way to describe how this feels... exposed. Fortunately, the exposure is garnering positive results.
Funny how liberation and loneliness often go hand-in-hand.
Nanabear, it's easy to see where you are coming from. Like people who talk to tombstones as if they were still talking to their loved one, I can imagine if the breakup were one-sided how hard it must've been to let the ring go.
i never had a ring to take off ..
it was liberating to move into my own place .. i remember unpacking that first night that i ever lived by myself .. i was 23 years old with a 1 year old baby ... and i thought that this was the first night.... before the first day of the rest of my life ... free ...
That sounds nothing short of utopian.
It is a significant moment, and worthy of a picture or two. Not sure I could remove it myself, if I leave mine off and go out I can't think properly.
There is no substitute for friends really, with the sentiment of Ms Mitchell, you don't realise how important that is till they're gone and you find yourself friendless. Most people never experience that, thank god, but for those that do the loneliness is remarkable, way beyond just not having a love interest.
You're wise and courageous to expand your circle - should be fun. :)
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