Met up, as usual, with Angela at Avalanche. I had a couple of thoughts swimming through my head that I wanted to get her feedback on. Of course, the conversation started with catching up on the week's news, but inevitably steered to the topic of relationships and sex. Last week she gave me the dire advice not to try to use sex to fill in that empty gap inside. I've been thinking a lot about that, since at the time it seemed she was giving me half advice, and half confession. Bringing up what I mentioned in my reply comment on the previous blog post, I asked her what she thought about the soul and the sex not necessarily having to come from the same source.
She agreed it doesn't. So I asked her if I could be the one to fill that empty space, so that she can go and live her life to it's fullest, free from the worry and guilt. I told her that I was also worried about the meaninglessness of sex with my recent round of email contacts until I thought of her, and the worry disappeared. I felt complete knowing that there's always Thursday night with her. I wanted her to feel the same way about me. She gave me a look, the closest word I can find for the expression on her face, was relief.
Today I started reflecting on the lessons I always end up learning from her, and asking myself questions. If she ever developed feelings additional to the friendship, could she be someone to set me free? I think maybe. Or maybe not... who knows? I'd donate internal organs for the opportunity to find out, though. Like I posted before, I told her that I don't want to be the center of her universe, just one of the many stars shining within her. She says that I already am. Maybe she already has...
If our relationship, up until the day we die, never moves past meeting weekly to bare our troubled hearts to each other over beer and appetizers, I'll still be as happy as a clam. She's trusted me with her heart, and I can always know that while other men may enjoy the priviledge of her physicality, I hold what is inside of her, and that's infinitely more satisfying.
She agreed it doesn't. So I asked her if I could be the one to fill that empty space, so that she can go and live her life to it's fullest, free from the worry and guilt. I told her that I was also worried about the meaninglessness of sex with my recent round of email contacts until I thought of her, and the worry disappeared. I felt complete knowing that there's always Thursday night with her. I wanted her to feel the same way about me. She gave me a look, the closest word I can find for the expression on her face, was relief.
Today I started reflecting on the lessons I always end up learning from her, and asking myself questions. If she ever developed feelings additional to the friendship, could she be someone to set me free? I think maybe. Or maybe not... who knows? I'd donate internal organs for the opportunity to find out, though. Like I posted before, I told her that I don't want to be the center of her universe, just one of the many stars shining within her. She says that I already am. Maybe she already has...
If our relationship, up until the day we die, never moves past meeting weekly to bare our troubled hearts to each other over beer and appetizers, I'll still be as happy as a clam. She's trusted me with her heart, and I can always know that while other men may enjoy the priviledge of her physicality, I hold what is inside of her, and that's infinitely more satisfying.
posted by Grover at 6/17/2005 03:50:00 PM
6 Comments:
I always looked for a guy that could fill my emotional and physical needs. Unfortunately I was always dissapointed. Sex could never fill that emotional gap. I've realized that Andy can fill any emotional need that I have. I trust him with my heart and am so happy I have such a great friend. I believe our relationship will continue to progress and strengthen over the $4.00 pitchers hahaha. It feels so good to have a friend that I can pour my heart out to. Andy I will always be there to support you. I just wanted to thank you for being such a sweetheart. By the way, meeting you at the Avalanche is the highlight of my week also. Talk to ya soon!
-Angela
Angela's comment is beautiful. I envy your special friendship. It's a rare gem - don't fuck it up.
Sometimes you find close friendships in more than one place. They might not be the same but can be just as important. Look in front of you, you might be suprised although the romance is gone, a great friend is waiting for you to aknowledge them.
I agree with Chickpea there.
A lot of people say guys are only friends with girls incase one day their luck alters. I'm not convinced, but I understand the reasoning. In time those that do this often discover that there is nothing better than a truly wonderful friend anyhow.
Of all the long partnered people I know, all the ones with the best relationships are those that say first "my partner is my best friend" - and mean it.
A bit of clarification: the "Maybe she already has..." bit was referring to setting free. As I typed that, I realized that she has. I feel so much more relaxed and confident in myself since we started our Thursday thing.
It's wonderfully flattering that you call Thursdays the highlight of your week as well.
Chickpea - Believe me, I'm doing my damnedest not to. And don't be envious, I count you as a good friend as well. :-) There's just a seven-hour gap keeping us from hanging out.
Anon - I do acknowledge you.
Orb - You understand me well.
True Friends are special. Never understood why people don't cherish them...sounds like you do!
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