So yesterday I was talking to Yvonne, my workplace psychiatrist, when some dude had to talk to her. As I waited for him to finish, I observed the way he spoke to her and me.
"I wish I could be more like him." I said, as we watched him throw away old light fixtures. Yvonne wondered what I meant by that. Did I want to dress like him? Look like him? What I told her is that he talked normal, like all the other guys in the break room, and on TV and in the movies. I can't phrase my words like he did and they do. I can't get that nasal drawn out apathetic yet not unfriendly sound that everybody has today. It's not that I'm on some level above or beyond... it's that I feel, well... askew.
I just couldn't grasp the right words to explain what I meant, but in thinking, I think I have:
Remember math class? Specifically, do you remember functions, the number "machines" that were set equations whose purposes were to take inputs and then spit out a result? Well, I always seemed to miss one little calculation, resulting in my set of answers being totally different from everybody elses', even though we all were given the same inputs.
Well, that's a perfect analogy to explain what I was trying to tell Yvonne. I feel like I walk through life taking in the same inputs and stimuli as everybody else, yet something in me miscalculates them ever so slightly so that even though I live in the same world as everybody else, I've got a fucked up set of interpretations.
The trouble is going to be finding people with my quirk. Oh well, I never was any good at math anyway...
"I wish I could be more like him." I said, as we watched him throw away old light fixtures. Yvonne wondered what I meant by that. Did I want to dress like him? Look like him? What I told her is that he talked normal, like all the other guys in the break room, and on TV and in the movies. I can't phrase my words like he did and they do. I can't get that nasal drawn out apathetic yet not unfriendly sound that everybody has today. It's not that I'm on some level above or beyond... it's that I feel, well... askew.
I just couldn't grasp the right words to explain what I meant, but in thinking, I think I have:
Remember math class? Specifically, do you remember functions, the number "machines" that were set equations whose purposes were to take inputs and then spit out a result? Well, I always seemed to miss one little calculation, resulting in my set of answers being totally different from everybody elses', even though we all were given the same inputs.
Well, that's a perfect analogy to explain what I was trying to tell Yvonne. I feel like I walk through life taking in the same inputs and stimuli as everybody else, yet something in me miscalculates them ever so slightly so that even though I live in the same world as everybody else, I've got a fucked up set of interpretations.
The trouble is going to be finding people with my quirk. Oh well, I never was any good at math anyway...
posted by Grover at 9/16/2005 07:08:00 AM
4 Comments:
but you've found us already. That's why we love you and keep coming back for more.
Oh my God! I feel the same way. I always interpret things wrong.
My Oil Man gets so frustrated with me.
so we can feel "askew" together.
God, math totally sucks. At least you remembered FUNCTIONS! I buried that word somewhere very deep in my hole of a past, never to resurface.
One big happy family! You guys rock, really.
My senior year, I was the only upper classman in my algebra 2 course. I was the only one in the class to fail it. But for some reason, the idea of functions fascinated me, like a numerical enzyme or something. I dunno, but for whatever reason, it stuck.
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