Life does indeed go on.
I've been thinking about Dad a lot lately. After the initial shock there was an intensely busy period leading up to the holidays where I really didn't have a whole lot of time to. Now that I'm not working with Liz anymore because of too many schedule conflicts, and the holidays having passed, life has returned to a much more sane pace. As such, my mind is also having much more time to wander... more often than not, to processing the fact that Dad is gone.
Funny thing is, my mind keeps focusing on the increasing number of silver linings this dark cloud keeps revealing... and yes, there can be positives, even if they consist not so much of a good thing, but rather the absence of a negativity. Dad hated winter, and I know he was dreading the onslaught of what most everybody (apparently quite accurately) had been predicting to be an exceptionally cold season. Now he won't get the seasonally affective winter blahs.
A heavy smoker, over the last few years he'd developed a nasty cough that I was sure would do him in if lung cancer didn't. I don't have to worry about that now.
He also was getting ever more increasingly forgetful, often telling me the same anecdotes (nearly word-for-word) three, four, or even five times over sequential phone conversations. His mother, my grandma who is still living, has succumbed to Alzheimer's, and I had also feared that Dad was headed down that path. No longer to worry.
I could go on. Dad carried so many worries on his shoulders. He was becoming a grumpy old man, well before his time to do so. He still had hopes... ideas of things he'd like to do. Changes in his life he'd like to make. He wanted to move to Troy and resume his screen printing. Decades ago, he made such brilliant framed screen prints of his artwork. Unfortunately, he lost his will, and eventual physical ability, to make things happen. As his body weakened, he would rather just plop down on the couch and have another cherry turnover and glass of wine. It was an irreconcilable conflict within his psyche, this constant struggle between desire and ability. And now the war is over.
And that, dear readers, is wonderful solace.
---
Speaking of this crazy winter we've been having, today upon his suggestion, Shaggy and I went out to Charleston Falls to take some photos of the snow. He'd never been there, and I figured that by now the falls would be frozen over. I was right, and his reaction to the spectacle was comparable to that of a kid on Christmas morning.
Now, I am Mr. Nice Hiker and stay on the trails. Immediately, though, Shaggy went through the rails and was tromping all around the falls. Not having seen any Park Ranger vehicles in the lot, and getting only boring shots from the observation deck, with his goading I hopped the fence and was happily trespassing under the natural limestone ampitheater the falls have created.
---
I'd fallen out of the habit of taking photos. Thanks to Shaggy for giving me the swift kick in the butt to get moving. It felt good to shoot again.
Funny thing is, my mind keeps focusing on the increasing number of silver linings this dark cloud keeps revealing... and yes, there can be positives, even if they consist not so much of a good thing, but rather the absence of a negativity. Dad hated winter, and I know he was dreading the onslaught of what most everybody (apparently quite accurately) had been predicting to be an exceptionally cold season. Now he won't get the seasonally affective winter blahs.
A heavy smoker, over the last few years he'd developed a nasty cough that I was sure would do him in if lung cancer didn't. I don't have to worry about that now.
He also was getting ever more increasingly forgetful, often telling me the same anecdotes (nearly word-for-word) three, four, or even five times over sequential phone conversations. His mother, my grandma who is still living, has succumbed to Alzheimer's, and I had also feared that Dad was headed down that path. No longer to worry.
I could go on. Dad carried so many worries on his shoulders. He was becoming a grumpy old man, well before his time to do so. He still had hopes... ideas of things he'd like to do. Changes in his life he'd like to make. He wanted to move to Troy and resume his screen printing. Decades ago, he made such brilliant framed screen prints of his artwork. Unfortunately, he lost his will, and eventual physical ability, to make things happen. As his body weakened, he would rather just plop down on the couch and have another cherry turnover and glass of wine. It was an irreconcilable conflict within his psyche, this constant struggle between desire and ability. And now the war is over.
And that, dear readers, is wonderful solace.
---
Speaking of this crazy winter we've been having, today upon his suggestion, Shaggy and I went out to Charleston Falls to take some photos of the snow. He'd never been there, and I figured that by now the falls would be frozen over. I was right, and his reaction to the spectacle was comparable to that of a kid on Christmas morning.
Now, I am Mr. Nice Hiker and stay on the trails. Immediately, though, Shaggy went through the rails and was tromping all around the falls. Not having seen any Park Ranger vehicles in the lot, and getting only boring shots from the observation deck, with his goading I hopped the fence and was happily trespassing under the natural limestone ampitheater the falls have created.
Shaggy took the photo above. I was totally posing...
and had to photoshop out a booger. It was cold, my nose ran!
Self portrait of a dork.
---
I'd fallen out of the habit of taking photos. Thanks to Shaggy for giving me the swift kick in the butt to get moving. It felt good to shoot again.
posted by Grover at 1/11/2010 07:38:00 PM
2 Comments:
you are so incredible!
i love those pics!!!!! you guys did awesome :D
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