Today I was listening to some old music that was fresh and new to me back when I was in junior high school. At first, I was thinking about how it took me back to that time, and for a moment I felt all excited and full of future as I did then. Then I thought about how I spent that period doing what all kids do. Watch lots of TV, hang out with friends, and play Super Mario Brothers.
Where that wonderful warm tingly feeling came from was my imagination back then, and all the fantastic things I thought about, not what was really happening to me. I was going to be a hacker like Matthew Broderick in "Wargames". I was going to write techno dance music that would move the world, like my Finnish heroes Future Crew. I was going to be an electronics engineer creating pirate devices that would be used solely for mischevious purposes, a la Christian Slater in "Pump Up The Volume".
Imaginings and fantasies change over the years, don't they? I have pretty much given up on the idea of sitting down and teaching myself to program a computer. I still write snippets of music, but all I want now is for at least one person at acoustic night at the Trolley Stop to think it's not bad. Pirate devices to intercept secret messages and decode shit? Nah. Now I have my imagination aimed at putting on shows of my photography.
Makes me wonder, did my dreams and fantasies dull down over the years, or did they just become more realistic and possible to achieve? I'm feeling optimistic. I choose the latter...
Where that wonderful warm tingly feeling came from was my imagination back then, and all the fantastic things I thought about, not what was really happening to me. I was going to be a hacker like Matthew Broderick in "Wargames". I was going to write techno dance music that would move the world, like my Finnish heroes Future Crew. I was going to be an electronics engineer creating pirate devices that would be used solely for mischevious purposes, a la Christian Slater in "Pump Up The Volume".
Imaginings and fantasies change over the years, don't they? I have pretty much given up on the idea of sitting down and teaching myself to program a computer. I still write snippets of music, but all I want now is for at least one person at acoustic night at the Trolley Stop to think it's not bad. Pirate devices to intercept secret messages and decode shit? Nah. Now I have my imagination aimed at putting on shows of my photography.
Makes me wonder, did my dreams and fantasies dull down over the years, or did they just become more realistic and possible to achieve? I'm feeling optimistic. I choose the latter...
posted by Grover at 7/22/2005 04:47:00 PM
5 Comments:
But I'm not counting out the mischief! If there's anybody to get me into trouble, it's Angela. :-) We're out last night taking some evening photos, and I realize the parking lot I'm in only has one exit, and doesn't connect to the lot next door. It's separated by a slight downgrade and about 10 or so feet of grass. I go to turn around, but she says drive over it... so I do! I need someone to corrupt me.
HI! I took pity on your comment about the lack of comments, so here I am! Before I barbecue and head out for a ride.
Dreams... mysterious things. Mine are all much the same as they ever were, in no particular order:
-be a successful writer
-be a successful photographer
-own my own cafe
-enter politics (sometimes this appeals, sometimes it doesn't...)
-have a talk show
I've never set parameters on what success would mean, though, like dollar-wise and shit.
I never wanted to be the best at anything, I just always wanted to be GOOD. I wanted to have some sense of self left at the end of the day, and to never have to compromise for others.
In a way, it doesn't sound like I'm asking for much, but in another, staying true to yourself, keeping your integrity and respecting others without compromising yourself for their benefits... hard things to accomplish.
Thus far? I'm staying true, my integrity's in my pocket, and I respect others but don't compromise...
So, I'm proud of that. I'm proud I'm finally getting shit going, but I'm also not under any illusions that it's going to come easily, OR that I'm anywhere near accomplishing what I really want.
* * *
I think our dreams do deflate a little with age, and oftentimes we downsize them because of "reality..."
And I think it's a bad thing. There are dreams that simply become unsuitable because of the person we grow into, and those can easily be dismissed. Like I'm never going to be a rockstar like I once wished I could be. That's reality. I don't have what it takes, never will, and dreaming about it won't change a thing.
But, and I hate to quote Oprah but she's got it right, Oprah often says people need to dream bigger. Look at what she's accomplished, a victim of sexual assault, born into poverty... and then you have these stupid twits who go on her show and say their "wildest dream" is to meet fucking Tina Turner.
WILDEST DREAM? Come on! My wildest dream's sex in an anti-gravity chamber, or being able to climb a monster mountain, or selling a novel, or having my photos on the cover of a magazine, but it sure as shit ain't meeting a celeb.
Anyhow... rambling and I've lost my point, but I don't think you have anything to concern you. Dreams should always be about the things you most want now. What you wanted 15 years ago doesn't mean dick. Dreams need updating, like any wardrobe does. :)
The ignorance and innocence of youth does provide more space for an imagination to play in, but there's no reason you have to lose it in adulthood.
Reality sinks in very slowly to us and directly effects (if not dictates) our hopes and perhaps our dreams. When you're little everything is a long way off, at our age things feel closer and thus less achievable.
Can never remember what I hoped for as a kid, doubt I ever knew, still don't. I always wanted to be omniscient - doubt that'll happen. ;)
Music is so clever that way… it can spur a feeling from long ago, bringing you right back to where you were the first time you heard it. Now if only I could figure out how to have a play button on my posts so my readers could share in my journeys through time. See your dream of being a computer programmer would have been helpful here.
When I was little all the adults in my life always asks what I wanted to be when I grew up. How was I supposed to know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life at age ten when I’m really not sure now at age twenty-six? No one asks adults what they want to be, or what their dreams for the future are. Why not? Just because we’re older doesn’t mean we’re dead with no future possibilities.
Hold tight to your dreams, Andy, never give up on who you want to be.
Oh, I still have my dreams. I was just questioning whether their metamprhosis from childhood's outrageous to their current, more realistic state, should be taken as a negative dulling-down, or a positive step forward.
I'm leaning toward the positive. :-)
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