¡Aye Dios Mio!

What a fantastically eventful weekend I've had.

So I'll start with today, the big sorority shoot day, which played out like a scene from a Bridget Jones movie. I swear this'll be the laughable horror story I tell my students when I'm big and famous.

I call Jilly, my contact at Chi Omega, nice and early this morning and wake her up (which I apologize for profusely). Upon asking her for their house's address, I find out that contrary to previous expectation, they're not at OSU in Columbus... they're at OU in Athens, another hour or so beyond. So I quickly change the oil in my car, which I've had the supplies and been beyond needing to do so since I was together with Sophie.

I take off, and in a moment that Hollywood could've scripted, I'm listening on WYSO to an interview with tennis legend Martina Navritalova. She brings up two good points: 1) Her trainer instilled in her that you can only have one thought in your head at a time. So if you have a bad thought, replace it with a good thought, such as if you're dwelling on a shortcoming or error you committed, just focus on strategy and ways to correct it. Instead of dwelling on the problem, you're focusing on the solution, and are much better off for it. 2) The interviewer asked if she ever had the inclination to throw in the towl and quit. She said that each defeat only ever encouraged her to do better later. I believe this is called "foreshadowing".

On the way I get hopelessly lost in Columbus, the most counter-intuitively laid out city I've ever driven through. So I'm supposed to take US Rt. 33 which goes straight to Athens right off of I-70 in Columbus. The first 33 exit gets off in downtown and takes you on a very scenic tour of Columbus' deepest ghetto. Turns out, just about fifteen miles down 70, 33 branches off nicely again without all the stores pandering custom gold teeth. Go figure.

So I'm cruising the additional hour or so down 33 and finally get to Athens. Let me just tell you now that Mapquest is a total piece of shit. I was driving around that godforsaken but cute hilly town (in the Hocking region of the Appalachian foothills) for about a good half-hour before I finally find the Chi-Omega house. It was pretty obvious, given the big "χΩ" conspicuously emblazoned on the front, and the hundred or so girls grinding in the yard to booming music from the DJ (also a sister) perched on the porch.

I feel like I've stepped out of my little Toyota and into a Girls Gone Wild video.

I meet up with and introduce myself to my contact, Jilly, and she indicates that the photo site will be a set of steps leading to a park about a long block or so down the street. I ask to borrow a body for test shots, but she just calls for the entire gaggle to follow me. So I'm freaking the holy hell out that I have no time for exposure balancing, just to wing it on the spot.

But I'm walking (rather, strutting a little) down N. College Street in Athens, Ohio trailed by an entire sorority. I joke to Jilly that this may be the only time in my life I'll have so many women following me. She chuckles.

So we get to the site, and I'm really freaking nervous. We assemble all the freshmen (freshwomen?) into formation. Deciding I don't need to use the tripod with the camera and borrowed flash, I go to hit the quick disconnect. Problem is, I'm not used to all that weight since the sizeable borrowed flash was attached to the camera with a bracket. In my extreme nervousness, with sweaty palms, and unfamiliar equipment...
...the camera falls to the sidewalk with a sickening ca-crack!

MY LENS BREAKS IN HALF.

Andy nearly vomits, has a mental spasm, and a heart attack on the spot. I now have to tell them that I traveled 150 miles and had them all assemble for nothing, not to mention the fact that I'm under goddamned contractural obligation to produce photos on this Bid Day.

I tell Jilly what just happened, and she pleads for me to do something, and then in a moment of clarity I remember that I have Chuck's old 50mm lens in my glove box. She tells me to hurry, so there I am sprinting the long block back to my car in jeans and sandals, with fully-laden bookbag, camera, and flash bags tethered around my neck, and camera in hand. Passing pedestrians, I give them raised eyebrows and nods, or a "nice weather, isn't it?" I grab the nearly vintage lens and pop it onto my camera. A quick duck behind a dumpster to balance proper exposures, and I go sprinting down the block to the gaggle.

I shout for the appropriate class to assemble, as I'm on assignment to take four photos each, silly and serious, of each class and then the whole house. Problem is, at 50mm on a digital camera, the lens has a slight zoom on it, and the steps are right on a sidewalk. To get the entire group in the frame, I have to stand in the middle of an intersection.

So there I am dancing like a ballerina in the midst of busy intersection dodging cars whizzing by, and with the girls all giddy and shouting playful taunts at me as I run from angle to angle, and angry motorists honking their horns and shouting unpleasant things at me. And I'm using a lens with no autofocus:

HONNNNNNK!!! Get the hell out of the street!

Sorry! I'll be out of your way in three seconds!
Ladies, this one is still a SERIOUS shot... !

Hey, Andy, take a picture of this! Run Forrest, run!

[click!]

HONNNNKKK!!!

Sorry guys, let me get out of your way! Girls! Serious! We'll do fun in a second!

We want a silly one!

HONNNKKK! Get out of the road, jackass!

Sorry! Sorry! One second... LADIES! Now let's get a crazy one!"

Meanwhile, my inner child (who usually is at the forefront of my photographic endeavours) is curled up in a ball crying "I want to go home!" And I'm also a fat guy laden with heavy bags jogging around in jeans and long sleeves in the sun, and am pouring sweat like a freaking whore in church, in front of about 70 hot women.

After I get my last shot, we make our way back to the house, where they graciously offer me water, amongst comments of "God, are you doing ok? You need water?", but also many high-fives and comments like "You rock". I got called sweetie more times than I can count. I'm such a charmer. :-) Anyway, after cooling off in the AC, and seeing the interior of a sorority house (how many guys can honestly say that?), I collected all the order forms and headed out of town with my tail between my legs.

About a half-hour out I stop at a little diner called "The Coffee Cup", and treat my frazzled nerves to a nice cup of cottage cheese and a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. I calm down reviewing what I shot, and seeing that the photos weren't half-bad despite the circumstances. (and which are legally property of Greek Yearbook, so I can't post them)

I finish the two and a half hours home and end the day with a 311.9-mile trip odometer and the self-reassurance that I did one helluva good job in the face of serious adversity.

I rock. :-)

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Had a super-eventful Saturday, too, but I have to go to bed now. Good night.