Shot my first paid wedding saturday. Kindra and Craig are absolutely made for each other, and it's been a long time since I've seen two people so in love. You couldn't ask for more pleasant, friendly, and laid-back people. Well, ok, Kindra was definitely on the spunky side. :-) I arrived there feeling like hired help, and left feeling like a long-time friend.





More photos at the DeviantART page.

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The heart is a fickle and ultimately unfathomable thing. This is not news to most people, but mine keeps unexpectedly smacking me upside the head in ways that I never see coming.

I crave being touched. I don't mean that in a dirty way, but that simple human contact feels so extremely good to me. I'm a pretty isolated person. Monday at school, Shaggy kept poking and prodding me with his pen in that endearing "annoying little brother" way. At one point he, having landed an unintentionally solid punch below my shoulder blade, massaged my shoulders for a just a few seconds. But you have no idea how good it felt to me. Not in a sexy way, not at all, but... I don't know how to describe it. It just felt wonderful to have another person reach out and touch me.

Later that night during a lab demonstration, he was rubbing the back of a girl he's seeing. This caused several feelings. I found myself envious of her because he gave, even for just a second or two or three, one amazing shoulder massage, and she was getting it, not me. Secondly, I found myself envious of him, having somebody to reach out to. There was even a little jealousy at work because he was paying so much attention to her. Standing there watching them, I started feeling more isolated than I had in a long while.

Earlier that day, Dark Haired Girl asked me to stop by after class, so I did. She'd had a very taxing day physically and emotionally. Without thinking we just sat up against each other and talked, caressing each others' arms affectionately. I told her about my day, and she mentioned that she was good at alleviating whenever I get a case of the lonelies.

And despite her terrible day, she gave me a neck rub.

She said she was tired, and wanted nothing more than to fall asleep against me, so she invited me to stay as long as I agreed to go before her girls got up. So I stayed and fell asleep with Dark Haired Girl in her room. None of the usual monkey business, save for a kiss goodnight, but rather just two people who needed a warm body to reach out to and be near. I slept so much more soundly there than I have in a long time. Is there anything better than the deep sleep you get when you've grown used to an empty bed, and then get the opportunity to share it with a trusted friend?

And I didn't have the lonelies any more.

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So today, as I'm naked and about to hop in the shower, there's a knock at the door. I throw my pj's on, and it's Angela stopping by on her lunch break. We chat for a while, and she relays to me some of her man, sexual, and heartbreak woes, and I return a few of my own. As she's leaving, she says that I'm such a great guy, and I'll find somebody to have crazy sex with all the time. Then, out of nowhere, I blurted out "How come we haven't? We've been such good friends for so long, and you know I'd completely respect you afterward." Instantly, I felt like crawling under a rock and dying. She was just having problems finding decent partners in that arena, and I almost said it (if you believe me) from a place of innocence wanting to comfort her recent emotional bruises. Still, I felt like a total jerk-off for making such a proposition.

I realized after some thinking that I'd answered my own question: We've never done anything, not in spite of our friendship, but because we're such good friends. Angela is like a sister to me, and I couldn't possibly have anything else more to want from her. I sent her an email saying just that, and asked her to forget what I said.

She replied that she wasn't freaked one bit. I am blessed with some truly amazing friends.