This morning I contemplate hitting the snooze a second time, but think better of it. I throw on my robe and head downstairs. It's about 5:15am when I see two people walking by out front in the street. That seemed strange. I went to the window and watched as one of them kept walking down the street, but the other sauntered up to the driveway across the street, gave a quick glance around, and then opened my neighbor's truck door and hopped in, digging around for a short while before exiting. I know what he's doing... looking for spare change for cigarettes.

I whisper to myself "You are SO busted, motherfucker."

He walks on down and turns the corner. So I, naked under my bathrobe go outside just to make 100% sure it wasn't actually my neighbor digging around in his own truck. I creep to the corner and peek around the edge of a house only to see the same figure down the street open another car, hop in, dig around, get out, and walk on. I sprint back home and call 911.

After the call, within the time it took me to shower quickly and put my work uniform on, three cruisers appeared in front of my house, the jackass in the back seat in handcuffs. I overhear one of the officers say to the guy, "Wait... you're on probation, too?" I mention to the cop that now the guy knows who I am, but the officer said that he was pretty well drunk, and most likely wouldn't remember where we were. They let his friend go (who lives just up the street) since I didn't see him do anything, and after talking to him the cop seemed fairly certain I wasn't going to have any trouble from him. He added, though, "If he does give you any trouble, just call us. We'll jump on him." I'm not worried.

Andy, the fearless agent of law enforcement. Or, as my mom so succinctly put it: Columbo... in a bath robe.

"I'm Pencil Head."
"And I'm SON of Pencil Head!"
"... we erase crime."

---

Some laugh, others need an explanation.

---

My body has been telling me I've been stressing out lately. My jaw and teeth are killing me from being clenched them all the time. My heart has started fluttering again, I've been going to the bathroom just about every hour, and I've been eating Pepcid like M&Ms. I'm really good at pretending things aren't bugging me, though, so much so that it's become hard-wired into my habits. I basically have to listen to my body's physical symptoms and go "Yeah, I guess I am kinda stressed right now."

It's the move. It's the job. Mostly, it's Dark Haired Girl. You know what's going to happen... I'll stop talking about her on here. Sure, we'll stay in regular communication over phone and email, but she won't be a part of my daily life anymore, so she'll fall out of regular mention save for the occasional retrospective post when I'm all sullen and lonely and morose. After a while, I'll begin a post will begin with the phrase, "I met somebody today..." and you'll all leave comments like "Oh, Andy, I'm so happy for you!!" and everything will be all hunky-dory, but damn it I can't bear the thought right now. I just can't.