No matter how much he tried to insert the pause, I still giggle each time I hear Steve Inskeep on NPR say "Nook E-Reader".

A white-haired elderly white guy just drove by in a powder blue Crown Vic... shaking the ground with gangsta rap and subwoofers.

Has anybody else noticed how much we're hearing on the news about jobs coming to Dayton rather than the usual doom and gloom? :-)

Southerners never fail to amuse me

So I'm riding my bike home at about 1:15am-ish from hanging out with friends when AGAIN I am harassed.  I've said it before... I know how dorky I look with my bright-ass yellow safety shirt and bike helmet.  Unlike last time with the teenagers spouting acrid hate speech, though, this was freaking hilarious.  Some drunk redneck was hanging out of the passenger window of his buddy's duelly pick-em-up truck (with upright stacks instead of normal tail pipes) shouting at me with this cartoony twang: "Hay!  Hay you!  Y'know yer a fuckin queer?  Yeah, y'are!  Yer a fuckin queer!  Better hurry up on that bike'a yers!"  
I about died laughing.

If I were a Staples employee, and someone kept shouting "WOW!!" every five seconds in my store... I'd have to shoot him.

Bombs Away

So I decided that since the bomber jacket that Dad bought for himself Christmas '08 didn't fit anybody, I'd try to sell it maybe on Craigslist, ebay, or just pawn the thing.  I know he paid a couple hundred for it, so I decided to go on National Geographic's site (where he bought it from) to check on the true retail price.  I about fell out of my cotton-pickin seat when this popped up:

Seven Hundred God Damned Dollars!!!  What the fuck was he thinking??  I know he said he splurged, but Holy Hell... he didn't have that kind of money to go spending on ANYTHING, let alone a completely ostentatious luxury item like a sheepskin coat.  

I decided to go to the website of the manufacturer, Schott Bros: 

Figuring that since it retails new for that, and he only had it one winter and barely wore it, I could get away with asking $500.  Given that it has a bit of a cigarette odor, I'll knock $50 off the price for cleaning.  Fair asking price, I think.

I mean, thanks for the goldmine, Dad, but you had rent that went unpaid.  You had intermittent phone service.  You had shit upon which $700 could have been infinitely more wisely utilized.  

I will never figure you out, man. 

Brains or Breasts?

So tonight on television, amidst the 150 or so thousand channels to choose from, there stood two shows that beared back-and-forth viewing in the 11:30 to Midnight spot:

1) Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report". Intellectual, cerebral, supremely intelligently written, and yet scathingly rude (and often delightfully crude) satirical humor skewering the conservative political right in favor of a much more left-leaning centrist point of view (much as that of the author of this post)... which stands in directly stark contrast, and as a direly craved breath of fresh air to, the otherwise overwhelming majority of American popular humor based nearly exclusively on farting.

2) G4's "The International Sexy Ladies Show" featuring too-hot-for-American-tv (and often uncomfortably misogynistic) television programming from a variety of countries spanning the planet. 100% of the examples, whether from Japan, Germany, UK, or Brazil, prominently feature stereotypically "hot chicks" removing their clothing and jiggling their boobies. Whether stripping down to their underwear, or beyond, breasts exclusively result as the main attraction. The author of this post simultaneously both notes and laments ruefully the absence of what the mainstream would consider curvy, queen sized, thick, big-and-beautiful, zaftig, rubenesque, plus-sized, curvaceous, and otherwise chubby girls. Did I mention that it also shows a lot of jiggling boobs?

Talk amongst yourselves.  I'll give you a topic...



Which one did I watch more of?

I'm just wondering why, in the year 2010, we can't have security cameras with higher resolution than a webcam from 1998.