I still have a bunch of boxer underwear that Caro bought me back in the day. They're old and threadbare and uncomfortable now. Well, in a move of purgation of the past, I bought a pack of my favorite boxer-brief underwear, and threw away my old boxers... and some emotional clutter at the same time. You have no idea how freeing this tiny little gesture has been. Little by little, I'm still in the process of becoming my own man.
---
This may surprise you, but I'm used to be a music man. I sang for three years in high school, and my senior year I sang with the Men's Chorale, Senior Choir, and Show Choir. I took music theory. I can hum an "E" out of thin air and be damn near dead on concert pitch. My ultimate goal (especially after seeing "Mr. Holland's Opus" in high school in the mid-90's) was to to become a composer and music teacher. I had a guitar for many years. I even wrote and recorded a song in my living room with my (then new, but now 4 years old) computer.
Problem is... I never really got good with the guitar. To say I "played guitar" was an insult to the mystique and heritage of the instrument. I knew how to play it logically, but almost never from the heart. When particular friends of the family would come to visit, they'd produce enthralling sounds from my very own instrument that I never ever could. They unlocked my old Fender, and made it sing with a glory, fireworks, and soul that I could never even begin to reach in a million years with my sensible playing. I always felt stunted, and that no matter how hard I would ever try, I'd always feel disappointed in myself.
Well, next quarter I have a class where we choose a topic and shoot to that topic for the entire quarter. Whichever topic I choose, one certainty will remain: I will go old-skool and shoot 35mm black and white film, and make silver prints instead of inkjet. Coincidentally, my older sister has a photography course coming up in her Graphic Design major, and I've lent her my auto-everything Canon Rebel.
So I'm using my stepdad's old Nikon FG. You know, the fully manual auto-nothing kind with the thumb lever you use to advance the film after shooting a frame? I bought batteries for it today, and shot my first practice roll of film with it.
My stepdad took a photography class as part of his art degree back in the early 80's. He knew logically how to use it, but was never a photographer at heart. I've seen some of his photos from them. They're perfectly sensible. But today as I looked through the lens, and as I shot my photos, I saw fireworks, glory, and above all, fluency and soul.
I can make his camera, his instrument, sing in ways he couldn't. I unlocked its potential. The guitar has been a point of frustration of mine for years. But today, as I drew the parallel between it and the Nikon FG, the fourteen year old weight of that frustration was lifted from my shoulders.
---
BTW, if you want to hear my song from 2004, it's at This Link. It's called "My Own Myth", and I can explain the words if you'd like.
I used a program called Fruity Loops to program the bass and drums. I recorded the guitar and vocals one at a time by plugging them into my Sound Blaster card.
---
This may surprise you, but I'm used to be a music man. I sang for three years in high school, and my senior year I sang with the Men's Chorale, Senior Choir, and Show Choir. I took music theory. I can hum an "E" out of thin air and be damn near dead on concert pitch. My ultimate goal (especially after seeing "Mr. Holland's Opus" in high school in the mid-90's) was to to become a composer and music teacher. I had a guitar for many years. I even wrote and recorded a song in my living room with my (then new, but now 4 years old) computer.
Problem is... I never really got good with the guitar. To say I "played guitar" was an insult to the mystique and heritage of the instrument. I knew how to play it logically, but almost never from the heart. When particular friends of the family would come to visit, they'd produce enthralling sounds from my very own instrument that I never ever could. They unlocked my old Fender, and made it sing with a glory, fireworks, and soul that I could never even begin to reach in a million years with my sensible playing. I always felt stunted, and that no matter how hard I would ever try, I'd always feel disappointed in myself.
Well, next quarter I have a class where we choose a topic and shoot to that topic for the entire quarter. Whichever topic I choose, one certainty will remain: I will go old-skool and shoot 35mm black and white film, and make silver prints instead of inkjet. Coincidentally, my older sister has a photography course coming up in her Graphic Design major, and I've lent her my auto-everything Canon Rebel.
So I'm using my stepdad's old Nikon FG. You know, the fully manual auto-nothing kind with the thumb lever you use to advance the film after shooting a frame? I bought batteries for it today, and shot my first practice roll of film with it.
My stepdad took a photography class as part of his art degree back in the early 80's. He knew logically how to use it, but was never a photographer at heart. I've seen some of his photos from them. They're perfectly sensible. But today as I looked through the lens, and as I shot my photos, I saw fireworks, glory, and above all, fluency and soul.
I can make his camera, his instrument, sing in ways he couldn't. I unlocked its potential. The guitar has been a point of frustration of mine for years. But today, as I drew the parallel between it and the Nikon FG, the fourteen year old weight of that frustration was lifted from my shoulders.
---
BTW, if you want to hear my song from 2004, it's at This Link. It's called "My Own Myth", and I can explain the words if you'd like.
I used a program called Fruity Loops to program the bass and drums. I recorded the guitar and vocals one at a time by plugging them into my Sound Blaster card.
posted by Grover at 3/04/2007 11:22:00 PM
4 Comments:
i was very envous in HS because you could play the guitar. (so much liked hearing you play Dust in the Wind) :)
wanted to hear your "My own Myth" again but it said the page wasnt there....bummer
Hey the link doesn't work.
Bummer. Well, try this link
Nope, that one doesn't either. :(
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