It's Official...

... I've been laid off. I'm packing up the Mirthmobile, visiting the Cuyahoga County board of elections to cast my ballot, and I'm driving my first carload of belongings back to Troy tonight. Mom cut off her land line at home, so I won't have internet access for a while, save for the library, but I'll keep in touch.

Cleveland has been the grandest adventure and learning experience, and I'm ten times the photographer (and twice the man) I was just a short handful of months ago. I've made tons of acquaintances and several good friends, but Cleveland is part of my past now. Thus ends this particular chapter of my life.

Bossman has mountains of work waiting for me when I get back home to Troy.

Well, in preparation of the worst, I called old Bossman today explaining Monday morning's possible revelations. Asked him if I were to come back to Troy, would he have a spot open? He gave me a very enthusiastic yes.

So...

Either way, I have a job in photography. In a move that sounds like something out of a movie, I got a voicemail message Friday night. After locking up the studio and getting in my car, I listened as my friends from Troy called me from our old hang out spot. They all shouted "Andy! We miss you! Ditch Cleveland and come back to Troy! It's not a party without you!"

The same night my boss tells me I should be worried.

My head has not stopped spinning all weekend, but I've already started to think of Cleveland in the past tense. I'm almost hoping that they lay me off so I can go back home to Troy and start my life as the hometown photographer. While I will not retract a single statement I've made in praise of this town, living here just isn't what I'd expected. Working for this studio couldn't be ANY farther from what I'd expected it to be, either.

I meet with my current boss tomorrow morning, well before the studio opens, so he can relay this dooming worrysome information to me. Whatever it is, I hope it's a solid stay hired, or get fired. None of this nebulous "The Big Guy wants me to tell you we're in layoff season, so keep working on your studio portraits because... well, you know..." bullshit. I'm sick of this mindfuck.

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I had a date saturday night. It was a wonderful time spent with a beautiful sweetheart of a girl, with whom I really connect. In a call about the job situation, I told Dark Haired Girl about it, the relaying of which devolved into a completely unnecessary almost-apology in the most awkward and dunderheaded terms possible, concluding with "...but she wasn't you."

From the other end of the phone came a long sigh, and a change of subject.

My boss called me at work tonight, and told me to meet him first thing Monday morning. I asked if this is something I should be worried about. He said yes.

Welcome to Cleveland

My head is noisy tonight. I can't get to sleep.

So Ms. Palin lets the world know through the Christian Broadcasting Network that she's for a FEDERAL amendment banning same-sex civil unions.

She was quoted as saying "...I’m going to keep seeking God’s guidance and His wisdom and His favor and His grace, for me, for my family, for this campaign, for our nation.”



She scares the shit out of me, but God love her... every time she opens her mouth, the entire GOP winces in embarrassment.

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But! Was anybody else a little creeped out by Obama's "spread the wealth around" comment? A tad too Marxist for my taste, but if he's only freaked me out once during this campaign, I'd say that's a pretty good track record. The GOP ticket makes my skin crawl on a daily basis.

Andy Sinatra

Oh my God.. I have just discovered the most fun website on the internet... SingSnap.com. It basically uses your webcam to record online karaoke.

Here's a link to my rendition of Wonderful Tonight.



Oh, and by the way...


... oh yeah.

I had another dream about Dark Haired Girl last night. Instead of the usual helpless watching from a distance, we were in the same room yet still disconnected. I was standing back watching her enjoy herself, and it was the most heart-felt relief.

No, seriously. This isn't funny. My libido has gone completely dead over the last week. No interest in anything erotic, whatsoever. I have a sneaking suspicion that profound psychological changes are happening under the surface... that I'm undergoing a subconscious transformation of some sort. I'll consider this an emotional cocoon.



Let's hope something beautiful emerges soon...

Had a walk-about today with the camera. I was actually sitting at a marina east of downtown, just watching the boats and enjoying the warm breeze, when I noticed what looked like a freighter coming in. Drove over to the party end of The Flats, situated at the mouth of the river, to get some photos. Turns out it was a concrete barge from Canada being pushed by a tug. Much smaller than the ore freighter(s) I'd been hoping to show you.










I love how the captain looks so chill in his shorts and t-shirt. Not like he just piloted the damned thing across Lake Erie or anything. :-)

Anyhoo, naturally I had to do some "artsy" shots as well:







Thought it was funny in that last one how much that chunk of concrete broken off the Main Ave. Viaduct bears a resemblance to Ohio.

Of course, I had to sneak in a photo of myself:



See, I need more recent photos because... well,

I'm considering putting up a profile on Plenty of Fish. My feelings for Dark Haired Girl will never change. Nobody can, nor will anybody, ever EVER replace her. But I think my hesitation and resistance to moving on with my love life has become unhealthy. This is taking a palpable toll on me... I'm getting all despondent like I was post-divorce, and my libido has pretty much vanished. I need to start dating. This is a really difficult decision, and maybe I'm just being melodramatic. Lord knows Dark Haired Girl will be the first one to say "It's about goddamn time!" after reading this, but part of me is still not comfortable with the idea. I think there's only one real way to overcome the discomfort, and that's to face it.

I think I have something against the letter 'T'. Not directly, of course. It's not like I walk the streets of Cleveland muttering to myself "Goddamn letter T! I hate that friggin letter!" or anything. I just came across two annoyances today, both involving it:

1) The word 'mature'. Now, I pronounce it muh-chure. On the soon-to-be-mentioned Hulu.com, an announcer before each episode pronounces it as mah-tour. Granted, that pronunciation is phonetically more correct, but it still irritates the piss out of me.

2) People who add it to the word 'Else', and pronounce it "elts". GAAA!!!

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Anyhoo, about Hulu.com, it's a website that lets you watch tv shows and even a bunch of full-length movies for free. The commercial breaks usually consist of a single 15-second public service or Acura commercial. Barely enough time to grab another beer before it's on again. Anyway, just the other day, a guy at work was talking about the show "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". So I get on Hulu and start at Season 1, episode 1. I'm hooked. I've just finished off episode 6 of season 2, in which I paused and made the following screen shot:



Camera 2. The thing that got me was how long it lingered in the shot, almost two seconds.

I've been feeling off lately. I'm eating ok, and the cold has mostly gone. I'm getting enough sleep, enough beer to raise the spirits, and there is much laughter at funny things. I realized today what the ill feeling is.

At the risk of sounding emo, I realized my heart feels sick. Not like the sharp stab of jealousy or the shatter of being broken... it just feels queasy.



... like your stomach upon a whiff of rotten milk, or when you have the flu.

My heart has the flu.

And my cute little queasy animation won't work unless you click on it.

Saw my breath tonight for the first time this season. That's always one of those moments that means something to me... a visual sign of Earth's eternal cycles. It's such a subtle onset. Slow, and quiet, yet a tangible indication that forces far beyond any human control are at work. It always makes me feel so small.

But enough about that. I've been ignoring this blog since I got DSL. There's just so many things that I couldn't do before... so much more information that I couldn't access. It's a little overwhelming. In a conversation with Ashley, one of the girls in our rental office, I brought up the point that with the Internet being accessible to anybody, nobody really has an excuse for not knowing anything.

I've found, though, that instead of partaking in much genuine informational input, my attention span has shortened to under an inch long and I want instant gratification. I had these high hopes for watching independent filmmakers' short movies and lots of National Geographic content, etc., but instead just find myself perusing the funny video websites and lots of porn.

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Took another day off walking around with the camera. Here's the goodies:

Gotta have that "down the alley" shot.

Cleveland's Arcade

Cross-section of Dave's Original Cosmic Sub

Wool cap, leather jacket... very characteristic Clevelander.

Italian sausage with sweet peppers and saurkraut. YUM-O.

At Edgewater Park... a.k.a. "Waikiki North." Lake Erie Surfers pride themselves on being the last remnants of the original maverick-spirited surf culture, and they'll hit the breakers even when the temperature is just above freezing and they are dodging miniature ice bergs. On this day, it was in the mid 50's with a howling wind off of the lake. In jeans and a hoodie I was shivering.

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Now, I have done something productive with broadband. I put a video on YouTube!

Russian eyewear...

Monday night at the C.H., two women with whom I was playing miniature bowling both told me that I was "fucking hot" in my hockey jersey. Ego-booster for sure, but they were plastered drunk. Talk about some serious vodka goggles.