(be sure to catch the latest photo posts, directly below this one)

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I'm still floating on the high Texas Gurl gave me when she said she thought of me. It's the most intoxicating feeling to know that I'm being thought of, the joy amplified by knowing I'm in the thoughts of the same person occupying my own. Still, it feels surreal to like somebody as I do her, so much it hurts. So much my stomach aches at the thought of not being with her. My imagination is spinning with a million and one daydreams of her and I... and questions. I envision us fitting so well together during our brief visit that for the moment it'll seem like we're made for each other. And what the hell says that we aren't? Why can't I stop telling myself she's too good? Why can't I stop placing myself in the dirt upon which walk the women I adore? I piss and whine and bitch and moan about how nobody invites or lets me into their private circles, but in introspect, I realize that I'm the one who's dug the moat and denied anybody the drawbridge.

You know what I'm really afraid of? I'm scared to holy hell that she'll be the most amazing person I'll ever come across, and that I'll totally blow it by clapping shut like a clamshell and not fully letting her into my world, simply out of some imaginary secondary class I put myself in.

All this built-up anxiety... and I know it's needless. I know it'll dissolve in that moment we first meet. There at the arrival gate, it'll all just melt away along with my heart, and the rest of the world around our embrace.

What a lovely daydream. :-)

Oregon District.

Oregon District

Oregon District. I walked past these two girls, one taking pictures of the other. In an exercise of overcoming my fear of talking to people, I introduced myself as a a hobby photographer and wondered if I could take a picture of them taking a portrait. They said ok. I thanked them and went on my way.

Oregon District. All along this fence there was nothing but green ivy, save for this one bright little flower. I should've backed off to give more of that impression, but I didn't want the flowers to be overlooked.

Oregon District

Oregon District.

Oregon District. Had to laugh at this one.

Near Sinclair

I super-dee-duper like this one. So did Chickpea, who got a sneak preview when we last talked.

Sinclair

On the way back to Sinclair, there's this low-income apartment highrise. I stood up on the edge of the landscape planter and took this of the patio area. I couldn't not document this. Just makes you wonder.

tree

I never noticed the green and yellow trim on this building before, but what really caught my eye were the hooks holding up the awning. Tres cool.

I like this. Really fits the building.

Kettering Tower

Alley. A bit too dark, but with the nice pleasing fisheye distortion making it somewhat surreal.

I liked the colorful flowers next to the drab concrete.

And last, but certainly not least, are the photos I made the special side trip for. Texas Gurl told me once that she loves pictures of statues, so I popped by Dayton's Memorial Hall. They're way up on pedestals, though, and were hard to get a good angle on that wasn't looking up too sharply.

Fooling with the burn and dodge tools to lighten and darken spots.

Outside Memorial Hall

Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

Seriously, I'm still here, alive and kicking. Aside from an aching wisdom tooth and a terribly painful chafe right there in the crease of my right leg where my work pants rub when I hike them up too high, I'm fine. Things are just really busy here in the Hutchinson household. I've still got last weeks pictures to post. Didn't pick up any this week, as most of my paycheck went to the landlord to avoid eviction. Things be tight, but no worries! All is well, or will be in a very very short while.

I haven't been 100% open and honest with you guys. For all my 'poor me'-ing about being rejected and unable to find anybody to talk to, there is somebody I share a mutual romantic interest in. You know, I'm not quite sure why I've been so hush-hush about coming out and jut saying it, but I'm sure you've all gathered a hunch from comments left over the last several weeks. I've been emailing and talking on the phone with Texas Gurl, and I'm going to fly out and visit her in December.

My feelings on this? I can't fucking wait! I'm also scared to death because, well, you guys know me. I'm going to fall so hard for her in that week that it's going to shatter me to leave. It's an interesting dichotomy these equal parts longing and dread. Even though she's mentioned the f-word (yep, fling), I'm worried about hurting anybody, her or myself.

I don't know what it is, but the best way to describe is that I feel stirred from the inside when I talk to, write to, or even simply think of her. It's as though something inside of me is emerging from hibernation. She has inspired me again. I take pictures with her in mind. I write verses that come together into poems when I think about her. I've even created a flipbook animation for her based on a picture in her flickr photostream. Strange things like constellations and bronze statues of soldiers make me think of her.

I had to get that off my chest, it couldn't be held in any longer. I'm falling into a serious case of "Like with a capital L" with with this Gurl. Do I see anything long term out of this? Geographic and educational limitations seriously put a damper on things, but even if this "fling" only lasts one short week, I'll never stop commenting on her blog, sending her emails, and occasionally pulling out my drawer at work to look at her pictures I've printed out and placed inside.

Had yet another long and wonderful IM conversation last night with Chickpea. As she so correctly points out to me (again and again and again), I tend to place women up on a pedestal so lofty they're in danger of getting sucked into the jet engines of passing airliners. It's so nice to be proven wrong, discussing the humanity and imperfections that make people, well, perfect. Instead of being a flawless ideal, a far more colorful picture is painted of a down-to-earth (mortal) person who needs just the same shoulder to cry on as the rest of us, and who provides a wonderful shoulder of her own.

It's funny how people who give the best advice usually are in the most desperate need of advice for themselves. It's an interesting yin/yang setup, but if you think about it, when you're focusing on your own problems, your mind is in the emotional/flipout/freakout/touchy-feely mode, where the ability to think things through and make decisions clearly is pretty much shut down. When listening to a friend, the gears in your head shift to the more logical/methodical/problem solving/put-two-and-two-together functionality.

[btw, as I'm typing this, GWAR's "Nitro Burning Funny Bong" is on the tv. Just wanted to give you a totally inapproprate soundtrack to this post :-) ]

Anyway, I can pour my (easily remedied) troubled heart out to her, and she'll give me the most practical and intelligent answers, but then turn around and tell me things that scream for simple solutions. The nice thing, though, is even when we're acting as Dr. Flanagan and Dr. Pea for each other, a little bit of our own problems seep in, and in those moments of logical clarity, free of the emotional smog that obscures the whole picture, we can get a good look at our own troubles. In that small way, helping others has the side benefit of letting you see clearly into your own heart.

A friend in need is a friend indeed, and helps in far more than just one way, whether they realize it or not. In her post, she thanks me, and I have to say that I return the gratitude wholeheartedly.

Hi. It's 2:45am, and guess where I am? Yep, home.

I have no urge whatsoever to go into detail except that Cruxshadows was fucking awesome, the lead singer gives good hugs, I had an excellent time dancing my ass off for hours with a huge smile, and I have come to the conclusion that women are completely untouchable. Yeah, I left early, half-dead of embarrassment.

Ok, so as I'm dancing, song after song after song, I see this girl all night who is standing alone watching the crowd and looking all forlorn. I'm thinking to myself, god, this girl looks as miserable as I'm pretending not to be, so I spend the night screwing up the courage to say something. Toward the end of the night, I finally approach her and say: "Pardon me, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you look like you want somebody to say hi to you, so hi!, I'm Andy."

"Oh, umm, umm, I'm here with my boyfriend and, umm, I'm getting my friend because we're taking her home and, umm, we're leaving." Then she walks away.

Talk about being shot down point blank! I immediately leave, feeling about three inches tall and wanting to crawl under a rock and die, I'm so embarrassed. I will never talk to anybody I don't already know ever again.

Thank you guys for your support lately. I keep saying this to everybody, but you have no idea how much it means to me. But for as much as I'd like to dwell on the last post, time and life are moving on, and so must I, and so must "Treasures".

I picked up another roll of my photos yesterday, and although I don't have time to post all of them (as we're just about to head out to the goth club to see a band called Cruxshadows), here's a sneak preview of things to come. Lots of bright fall colors on this one. Being a cloudy day, I was disappointed how all the color washed out of the prints. God bless photoshop, and the Hue/Saturation and Color Balance adjusters. I tried not to over-do it, but only to bring the photos to the brilliance that I saw in person.

Note the glow-in-the-dark bright red car in the parking lot across the street. Yeah, I nudged the hue to red and increased the saturation. So I cheated. Sue me. :-)

Well, this morning happened. Now it's evening. Has anything really changed? No, not really... only on paper, and her last name, her maiden restored. I'll not go into any detail because, frankly, it was a very personal moment. All I'll say is that it was not a big occasion at all, but rather more internally moving for all present.

What I am thinking about, though, is again wondering what changed? I feel a bit different, but I'm sure that will wear off. Really, did the marriage end this morning? I don't think so. What ended was the government's recognition of our marriage. Ask any gay couple who have been together for years, and will stay together monogamously for the rest of their lives. They'll tell you they're married, despite the government's refusal to acknowledge. And how many people with rings on their fingers will tell you that the relationship with their spouse hasn't been a real marriage for quite a while?

My marriage on paper dissolved this morning, but the real marriage ended long ago. Still, I feel a certain lightness... and more alone than ever before.

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But, after writing that, I decided to walk to Kroger and cash in my pocketful of change, figuring that if I had enough, I would walk over to Avalanche for a beer or two. Turns out I had $3.83. Hmm... what to do? I could go to the Royal Wok next door for some dumplings. I could go and waste it on one single beer. (no thank you) I even thought about buying a pumpkin and carving it. Instead, I bought a 2-litre of Diet Cherry Coke, and walked over to Hollywood Video for a Sundance-y, wonky, chick-flicky, romantic comedy. The other day I rented Me And You And Everyone We Know, and it turned out to be the most off-kilter romantic movie. Aside from a couple of dodgy scenes, I loved it to pieces.

I pick up the mischeviously titled "Amy's O", and walk back home, movie and pop in grocery bag swinging back and forth. So I'm sitting here in my pj's, sipping my pop, and thus far (as I'm taking an intermission to cook something), it's turning out to be a delightful little movie. What a pleasant evening this has become. :-)

While digging through my winter coat pockets to remove stuff before washing, Caro unearthed a little journal Viv gave to me (a book store freebie) last winter. You know, it's about 1/4 the size of a sheet of paper, with a purple cover and elastic band to hold it shut. Neat little book. Anyway, I flipped through it, and even though I only filled about four little pages with stuff, this is the last thing I wrote before hanging up the coat for the season:

But times came & times passed
And future slipped into memory.
With our heads down & eyes shut tight,
We never even noticed.

Opportunities dropped like autumn leaves
Often blanketing our path ahead,
But with grace & skill you dodged
and stepped right past, & I followed behind.

Autumn leaves are falling once again. Tomorrow we stand before a judge who pronounces our marriage dissolved. Maybe if there's still time this fall, I will finally stop to pick up a few yellow, orange, and brown leaves and admire them.

Today at lunch, I went to Jay & Mary's bookcenter and picked up a magazine called "Popular Photography & Imaging". Andy has learned a new Photoshop trick! Absolutely pointless in regards to his photographic purposes, yes, but fun nonetheless...

Last wednesday, I drove Caro to class and had a good five hours to kill. Luckily, I had four unused rolls of film, a city begging to be photographed, and an itchy trigger finger. I could only afford one pack, and I'm pleased with the results. I can't wait to see what's on the other three, being held for a ransom of about $11 each by Wal-Mart. If you haven't already, make sure to catch the post after the pictures. It's kinda funny.

For this one, I was standing under the Main St. bridge. I walked past the lady in black earlier when she was sitting eating lunch on the ampitheatre-like concrete steps on down the path behind me, but I didn't want to bug her. She passed me while I was taking some other pictures, and I thought this wide scene with only one solitary figure looked lonely.

I didn't touch the contrast on this one, it made the bottom corners too dark. Instead, I just bumped the brightness down a bit.

Faded desaturation.

Again.

Along the bike path down by the river, there's an old segment of retaining wall that didn't get torn down and replaced by concrete. Something about this made me think of an old castle wall.

At one spot, there was a steady trickle of water coming out from the wall, right underneath where the green viney stuff is sitting.

Close-up of the trickling water. I've decided that I need to be more sparing with my close ups.

Depth shot down St. Clair Street.

I learned this cool trick of adjusting color balances in Photoshop, and found that I can shift away from cyan towards red. This is my favorite shot off the roll, despite Program mode opening the aperture too much and throwing the foreground out of focus. I was hoping to capture the pleasing feel of autumn, and I think this one does in spades.

This makes it more edgy and artsy, but loses the autumn warmth. (which is a bit of an oxymoron, isn't it?)

Wide angle. My lens is 28-105mm, and backed off to 28, it creates a slight "fisheye" distortion. Usually, this is an annoyance, but I kinda like it here. I'm pleased with how this turned out.

Another fire escape. Shocker.

Isn't this the cutest little place? I never noticed it before, and dearly wish I had some money to have stopped in.

Rusty parking lot sign. I made this one b&w, but it just didn't look right.

Original. I love how it looks like God took a huge meat cleaver and chopped the building on the right in half.

Aside from the modern Kettering, Meadwest Vaco, and Schuster Center towers in the background, this looks like something from the 40's or 50's. Do you think I made it too dark?

Desaturated, and then faded the desaturate by about 70%. Gives it a nice gritty urban edge.

I love this old building. It's actually right next to the one where I took this photo back in May. You can see it on the right edge of this picture.

Alley behind Canal St. Tavern, probably Dayton's foremost venue for live local talent. Note the truck delivering kegs. :-) What caught me was how warm this looked despite the cloudy day, and something about it screams New York. Maybe it's the fire escape, I've got a thing for them. I always wanted an urban apartment that had a window leading to a fire escape to use as a porch on warm nights, like Meg Ryan's in "Kate and Leopold".

A little further down. The big fan caught my attention.

Took this with the intention of making it black and white.

This is what I had in mind.

100% contrast of the properly exposed one (below).

Properly exposed, with the meter pointed at the sky.

Overexposed two f-stops.

Empty fountain. I hopped in a sat down on the drain at the end. Intentionally placed the top edge to split the frame down the center.

Original