She must be from around here...

Drove to my Dad's place in Urbana at 1pm today to kidnap him to the hospital, and after twisting his arm a bit, convinced him to let me take him to the VA Medical Center. We got there around 2pm, and they squared away his registration nice and quickly. By the time I left at 10pm, they'd run a battery of tests on him, administered nitroglycerin both orally and transermally, dripped a couple of IV bags in him, and decided to keep him overnight for observation. And his nurse was cute. :-)

I really hope they find distinct problems with him, so they can fix them. Not that I'm wishing for him to be unhealthy, but I'd hate for him to be discharged tomorrow after observation with little more than a "take it easy, see us if you have any more problems". Not with all the symptoms he's been exhibiting.

I was worried about him, especially after my visit sunday afternoon when he told me how much alarming discomfort he's been in... but I'm not anymore. He's in good hands. :-)

Every time Stone Sour's song "Through Glass" plays on the radio, I turn the bass up two notches and crank my car stereo (Toyota has a factory system that puts serious foot to ass) till I can barely tolerate it. I love that song.

I'm looking at you through the glass, don't know how much time has passed. Oh God it feels like forever, but no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your mind.

---

Had my finals today, and for once, truly lived up to the title "Andy Pants". It's been getting cold in the mornings here, so shivering I threw on some flannel PJ pants for the morning. They were so comfortable, though, that I just kept them on and threw a flannel shirt and some shoes on to go to school. So I spent the day at OIP&T in my blue checkered pajama pants, to many quizzical comments. I am Andy Pants, hear me roar!

Photo Design final was fun. Much like the midterm, the practical was to shoot an un-beforehand-beknownst subject and process, print, and hand it in by the end of class. Today it was balloons, and we weren't restricted to the lab. Good god, how do you photograph balloons interestingly? My first idea was to go across the way to walmart, buy a few posterboards and a marker, make a sandwich board rimmed with balloons that said "Honk! It's my birthday!", setup my camera on a tripod, and stand at the corner of Dixie and Dorothy waving at traffic. Unfortunately, I had about $5 to my name, and that was carefully budgeted for a bag of animal crackers for dinner between classes, and the Steel Reserve beer that I'm drinking now.

So I stayed in the commercial lab, and after many failed setups, I arrived the photo shown just below this post. Then, I helped a fellow classmate who had checked out the little sound trigger box that pops the flash upon variable sensitivity to noise. It's useful for capturing something momentary (and noisy) such as a popping balloon mid-burst. He manned the camera while I bravely weilded the thumbtack. I hate loud noises.

Then, for fun, he had the bright idea for me to hold the camera and keep the shutter open while he banged on the table in rapid succession causing the flash to pop like a disco strobe, while he flapped his head side to side with his tongue hanging out. The resulting photo is a mess of tongues and noses and a flurry of hair. His resulting print drew Oohs and Ahs from several instructors. Hell yeah, I held the camera. :-)

---

At the end of our third quarter haunting the hallowed halls of the Ohio Institute of Photography, people's individual styles are beginning to reveal themselves. I'm very much predisposed to stark graphic images of everyday objects (again revealed by the image just beyond this post). The guy I helped in lab, he experiments in weird ways and produces very abstract images. Another guy is a total wizard with product shots. And Elizabeth remains totally clueless at school, but extracurricularly produces images at her studio that deserve no less than to be published in the pages of Vogue. Seriously. I adore her non-school photography.

And, of course, Jeremy B blows me away. That boy's going to be a photographic God when he hits the professional field. I have such a huge crush on him... and I have Photoshop II with him next quarter. Naturally, I'm arriving bright and early on the first day to get the seat next to him.

---

Kicked ass in my Advanced Camera final too, but the polaroids were boring shots of a frontal short loop light form on a mannequin head (the same as the one I posted a few months ago, shot for my Lighting class final), and a box of Kix cereal. Snooze.

(but for you photo buffs out there... isn't calling for a frontal head position and a short loop light form contradictory?)

---

Tonight I fully realized just how hard I'm beginning to fall for Elizabeth. Here, at the end of the third quarter as her classmate-become-friend, and in my eighth month of knowing her, I had my first honest feeling. She was standing inches from me talking about the project she needed my help with, and despite my penchant for curvy women, my entire being was consumed by the warmth on my arm radiated by her close proximity, and all I could think of was my sudden and intense urge to scoop her up in my arms and hold her tight.

BTW, I'm meeting with Walmart Photo Girl for coffee this Saturday. I think it's obvious I'm soooooooo not ready for a relationship, but we clicked so well in coversation. Also, the emails she composes, while conversational and chatty, are absolute verbal music that I read over and over and over again.

I'm so totally not ready for a relationship right now.

The Photo Design final balloon photo... posted here because either PeoplePC or Blogger is preventing me from uploading. 

So today at work was surprisingly slow and boring. At one point, though, a guy in a foam cervical collar neck brace came in. Me having a big heart, that of course wasn't even the slightest bit funny...

... until the guy orders tacos. Think. How do you eat tacos?



I could only imagine this guy clumsily making several attempts at bending from the waist with a stiff neck to eat his tacos, and falling over repeatedly. As such, I had to muster every ounce of acting and stage experience I had not to bust out laughing right at him over the mental picture. I'm thinking to myself "How in the hell are you going to eat these, dude?"

So I decide to google OIP&T's resident celebrity student, Jeremy B, and find quite a few sites mentioning him.

Good god, this shit's what I'm up against at school. Humbling, humbling, humbling.

Ok, a preface to this post: Last spring I signed up with Adult Friend Finder for a month or two. I get a local reply from a woman who states that we know each other, but she was to shy to reveal her identity. Through much prodding, she revealed to me that she was an employee where I used to take all my film to be processed. Frequently we would get to talking about photography. I haven't talked to her since early this year, since I develop my own black and white film now, and all my color stuff is digital.

So this morning I am surprised discover an email in my inbox from her. Turns out she's been reading the blog all this time. Anyway, she gave me a host of compliments, and words of support on the break up, stating that she had one as well at just about the same time. So I asked her if she wanted to go out shooting some time. I know what you all are thinking, and the answer is I don't know if I'm ready to start dating again. But I could really use an artistic friend and ally right now. :-)

---

So for our last lab in Advanced Camera, we used the 4x5 view cameras with digital backs to shoot to an advertisement layout, much like pro commercial photographers do. We were given an 8x10 template with white text at the top and black at the bottom. We were to take a photo that included a product of our choice, but a background that was dark at the top and light at the bottom. So I decide to grab two bottles of pepper marinade that I bought in New Orleans back in '03 for Mom and Chuck. Here's what I ended up with. Of course, it was only after I got home from class that night that I realized I should've shot a block of cheese. You know, as in "the cheese stands alone"...?

Whatever. Never mind. I thought it was funny. :-)

So I have a weird night at work, with a chatty old guy asking me directions to Chipotle in the middle of the Friday night dinner rush and while I'm on cash, and the line of burritos is piling up to the rest of the front line's annoyance. Then, an obviously drunk carful of guys keeps calling again and again needing directions, and when they finally get there, they end up being a bunch of OU guys on a road trip. I quickly relay that I was just there last weekend, and recommend the spaghetti and meatballs at the Coffee Cup.

Anyway, I bring a few burritos to the bartender at L&V, and she gives me free beer. It's a good setup. After about an hour, Ruben shows up, and shortly after a friend of his. Long story short, we walk over to the Brewery, and I was going to go to the Waffle House with him afterward, but the Brewery is a busy place and we got separated. I only felt a mild buzz if anything at all, and could've driven home perfectly, but I know my B.A.C. was probably just over the limit. With a headlight out, I knew I was easy pickins for bored smalltown police no matter how well I might drive, so I erred on the side of paranoia and walked home.

I was in kind of a pissy mood all night. You know, that kind of momentary self-doubt where you have every reason to be on cloud 9, but the only clouds for some unknown reason are the dark ones floating above your head? Well, the weather is rather pleasant tonight. It's a touch humid, but it's breezy and the temperature is in that lower-70's butter zone. I figured a walk would do me good to clear the head a little.

It's a few miles to my house, but it goes by quickly. On Stonyridge, the main street in my neighborhood, it begins to rain. But instead of grumbling, I turn my face to the sky. It's a warm comfortable shower, and instead of feeling, well, rained on, I feel cleansed of my ghosts.

I feel anointed by the heavens, and I feel purified. But above all, I feel forgiven. Maybe I'm just being dramatic (as I so often am), but I feel changed a little. Like something out there heard me and said "It's ok. Everything's going to be ok."

It's 12:30 am now. That'll come into play later. I rocked at school today, hand cutting my own window mattes (the kind with the bevelled edge atop the image) and mounting my prints in them for my Photo Design final portfolio (quarter ends this Tuesday). They were all very well recieved in class critique, with one fellow student saying that I have a good chance at getting the best of show ribbon when they get hung up in the hallway and judged.

Then, a guy whose girlfriend I long for and madly lust after asked me to pose as his model for a Portrait 1 (two quarters from now for me) final project. Very flattering.

Later this evening in Advanced Camera, I shot a product with a 4x5 large format camera with digital back to fit within the strict requirements of a mock print advertisement, and nailed it dead on. I rock, however humbly so and with great humility. ;-)

Anyway, Elizabeth on several occasions in lab tonight called across the cavernous commercial lab for my assistance because I "know everything". (this coming from a girl who's had a photo session with superstar Tera Patrick) We're getting together Saturday afternoon because she asked me to help her with a missed Advanced Camera assignment. (Liz, that is. Not Tera Patrick.)

I bring this all up because Liz and I have this weird connection. Tonight, as I type this at half past midnight, she's photographing a model who was 1997's Playboy Playmate of the Year, and whom she had a midnight shoot with: Nikki Schieler Ziering. You probably know her as "Officer Krystal" from the the third American Pie movie, American Wedding. Yep. She's in Dayton tonight, and Elizabeth is with her right freaking now.

Liz and I exist on two entirely seperate planes of reality. Hers consisting of glitz and glamour and unthinkably (really really ridiculously) good looking people, and mine so far more proletarian and... well, quotidian. As any geometry teacher will tell you, two planes can only meet at one infinitesimal juncture. That line for us is called the Ohio Institute of Photography and Technology. Aside from that, I guess I just feel this weird dichotomy. She looks up to me as this great go-to guy for photographic wisdom and knowledge, yet I so totally revere her as a Goddess in the professional field, however big an adorable and charming dork she is in person, and how delightful she is to hang out with and have for company. Check out her Myspace page, and the blog in which she profiles her latest shoots. Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable.

And now I'm hiccuping wildly from the beer I've been drinking in celebration of a day well spent since 9am putting foot to photographic ass, and I'm off to bed now. I'm deeply satisfied with myself, and I'm so proud of Elizabeth I could burst! :-)

Can't sleep, zombies will eat me...

Ok, so the photography horror story is the post beyond this one. I was going to let it sit and gather comments, but it's 5-something AM, and I just woke up from a particularly bad dream where loved ones went missing and everybody I came in contact with turned ashen-skinned and started bleeding from the eyes. Naturally, they all tried to eat me. You know how those zombie types are. Can't leave well enough alone, can they? Sheesh.

Thinking of staying up to see if yesterday's clouds have cleared and maybe shoot some early morning sunlight stuff. It's just past six AM now, and I've a massive case of the booboojeebies. Pardon me while I ramble in stream of consciousness for a bit to take my mind off the Andy-iverous undead.

It should still be hot by now, but Fall has prematurely descended on Ohio. I went monday night into Stillwater on muggy rainy evening, and came out three hours later to a sharply cooler and although wet, much drier night air-wise. Yesterday I woke up to a gorgeous sparkling crystal clear morning with deep sapphire-blue skies that had me bunded up like a burrito in my comforter. Tonight I'm still shivering my butt off, but that's because I still have my window fan on. I think I'll set it to exhaust. Much better.

Of course, this pleases me to no end. I'm lovin the sneak preview of my favorite season, and in just one day of cool weather the trees have really faded to that pale green/yellow color, just ready to burst into fall color. I love those crisp cool days after the hot summer where I can have the screen doors open and enjoy hot coffee in my flannel PJ's. The forecast only goes up into the mid-70 by the end of the week.

Makes me want to go the Renaissance Festival down in Harveysburg. You just can't go when it's hot outside. It's a fall thing for me, especially with the farmers market on the way back that serves hot cider and has these gigantic pumpkins. It's the perfect suffix to a wonderful afternoon. This'll be the first year I go all by me onesy. Total autonomy to stay for six hours or leave after one. And to eat all the turkey legs and mini spinach quiches, and drink all the beer my little tummy desires. And to buy some peasant tunic and let my hair down and look like a dork in modern jeans and boots. And maybe to flirt a little bit. Dorks are in good company at the Ren Fest. I think I'll go with my October Stillwater paycheck. Unless it warms up, of course. And given the recent E-Coli scare, maybe I'll lay off the spinach quiches.

You know, I've been feeling lonely again. Not the desperate, woe is me, self-pitying kind like I use to feel. It's almost a kind of fondness, dismissed with a sigh and a smile. Does that make sense? I know too much to flip out over it this time around, and have actually been savouring this second chance to get being single right. But I've really begun to wonder if there is anybody out there aside from Dark Haired Girl who'll accept my flaws, distortions, and quirks in their entirety.

My violet-eyed albino girlfriend will. :-) She'll see them as bonuses and perks, not detriments, as will I see hers.




It's just before 7am, I've been typing away at this post while surfing other sites for about an hour. I'm just now barely beginning to make out the silhouettes of trees against a dark inky pre-dawn sky as I look out my window.

What is it about skylight, however one scant step above total nighttime blackness, that can chase one's inner ghosts away?

¡Aye Dios Mio!

What a fantastically eventful weekend I've had.

So I'll start with today, the big sorority shoot day, which played out like a scene from a Bridget Jones movie. I swear this'll be the laughable horror story I tell my students when I'm big and famous.

I call Jilly, my contact at Chi Omega, nice and early this morning and wake her up (which I apologize for profusely). Upon asking her for their house's address, I find out that contrary to previous expectation, they're not at OSU in Columbus... they're at OU in Athens, another hour or so beyond. So I quickly change the oil in my car, which I've had the supplies and been beyond needing to do so since I was together with Sophie.

I take off, and in a moment that Hollywood could've scripted, I'm listening on WYSO to an interview with tennis legend Martina Navritalova. She brings up two good points: 1) Her trainer instilled in her that you can only have one thought in your head at a time. So if you have a bad thought, replace it with a good thought, such as if you're dwelling on a shortcoming or error you committed, just focus on strategy and ways to correct it. Instead of dwelling on the problem, you're focusing on the solution, and are much better off for it. 2) The interviewer asked if she ever had the inclination to throw in the towl and quit. She said that each defeat only ever encouraged her to do better later. I believe this is called "foreshadowing".

On the way I get hopelessly lost in Columbus, the most counter-intuitively laid out city I've ever driven through. So I'm supposed to take US Rt. 33 which goes straight to Athens right off of I-70 in Columbus. The first 33 exit gets off in downtown and takes you on a very scenic tour of Columbus' deepest ghetto. Turns out, just about fifteen miles down 70, 33 branches off nicely again without all the stores pandering custom gold teeth. Go figure.

So I'm cruising the additional hour or so down 33 and finally get to Athens. Let me just tell you now that Mapquest is a total piece of shit. I was driving around that godforsaken but cute hilly town (in the Hocking region of the Appalachian foothills) for about a good half-hour before I finally find the Chi-Omega house. It was pretty obvious, given the big "χΩ" conspicuously emblazoned on the front, and the hundred or so girls grinding in the yard to booming music from the DJ (also a sister) perched on the porch.

I feel like I've stepped out of my little Toyota and into a Girls Gone Wild video.

I meet up with and introduce myself to my contact, Jilly, and she indicates that the photo site will be a set of steps leading to a park about a long block or so down the street. I ask to borrow a body for test shots, but she just calls for the entire gaggle to follow me. So I'm freaking the holy hell out that I have no time for exposure balancing, just to wing it on the spot.

But I'm walking (rather, strutting a little) down N. College Street in Athens, Ohio trailed by an entire sorority. I joke to Jilly that this may be the only time in my life I'll have so many women following me. She chuckles.

So we get to the site, and I'm really freaking nervous. We assemble all the freshmen (freshwomen?) into formation. Deciding I don't need to use the tripod with the camera and borrowed flash, I go to hit the quick disconnect. Problem is, I'm not used to all that weight since the sizeable borrowed flash was attached to the camera with a bracket. In my extreme nervousness, with sweaty palms, and unfamiliar equipment...
...the camera falls to the sidewalk with a sickening ca-crack!

MY LENS BREAKS IN HALF.

Andy nearly vomits, has a mental spasm, and a heart attack on the spot. I now have to tell them that I traveled 150 miles and had them all assemble for nothing, not to mention the fact that I'm under goddamned contractural obligation to produce photos on this Bid Day.

I tell Jilly what just happened, and she pleads for me to do something, and then in a moment of clarity I remember that I have Chuck's old 50mm lens in my glove box. She tells me to hurry, so there I am sprinting the long block back to my car in jeans and sandals, with fully-laden bookbag, camera, and flash bags tethered around my neck, and camera in hand. Passing pedestrians, I give them raised eyebrows and nods, or a "nice weather, isn't it?" I grab the nearly vintage lens and pop it onto my camera. A quick duck behind a dumpster to balance proper exposures, and I go sprinting down the block to the gaggle.

I shout for the appropriate class to assemble, as I'm on assignment to take four photos each, silly and serious, of each class and then the whole house. Problem is, at 50mm on a digital camera, the lens has a slight zoom on it, and the steps are right on a sidewalk. To get the entire group in the frame, I have to stand in the middle of an intersection.

So there I am dancing like a ballerina in the midst of busy intersection dodging cars whizzing by, and with the girls all giddy and shouting playful taunts at me as I run from angle to angle, and angry motorists honking their horns and shouting unpleasant things at me. And I'm using a lens with no autofocus:

HONNNNNNK!!! Get the hell out of the street!

Sorry! I'll be out of your way in three seconds!
Ladies, this one is still a SERIOUS shot... !

Hey, Andy, take a picture of this! Run Forrest, run!

[click!]

HONNNNKKK!!!

Sorry guys, let me get out of your way! Girls! Serious! We'll do fun in a second!

We want a silly one!

HONNNKKK! Get out of the road, jackass!

Sorry! Sorry! One second... LADIES! Now let's get a crazy one!"

Meanwhile, my inner child (who usually is at the forefront of my photographic endeavours) is curled up in a ball crying "I want to go home!" And I'm also a fat guy laden with heavy bags jogging around in jeans and long sleeves in the sun, and am pouring sweat like a freaking whore in church, in front of about 70 hot women.

After I get my last shot, we make our way back to the house, where they graciously offer me water, amongst comments of "God, are you doing ok? You need water?", but also many high-fives and comments like "You rock". I got called sweetie more times than I can count. I'm such a charmer. :-) Anyway, after cooling off in the AC, and seeing the interior of a sorority house (how many guys can honestly say that?), I collected all the order forms and headed out of town with my tail between my legs.

About a half-hour out I stop at a little diner called "The Coffee Cup", and treat my frazzled nerves to a nice cup of cottage cheese and a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. I calm down reviewing what I shot, and seeing that the photos weren't half-bad despite the circumstances. (and which are legally property of Greek Yearbook, so I can't post them)

I finish the two and a half hours home and end the day with a 311.9-mile trip odometer and the self-reassurance that I did one helluva good job in the face of serious adversity.

I rock. :-)

---

Had a super-eventful Saturday, too, but I have to go to bed now. Good night.

The first stirrings of Autumn in Ohio

I don't know how to react to this... this morning I get a call. It's from the lead photographer at Greek Yearbooks. I guess they approached Elizabeth, having looked up young local photographers, but she was booked so she recommended me for the spot. In a nutshell: I am to go Sunday afternoon to a sorority at Ohio State University and take group and individual photos for Bid Day.



I AM BEING PAID TO HANG OUT WITH AN ENTIRE GODDAMNED BIG 10 UNIVERSITY SORORITY HOUSE.

I'm absolutely fucking giddy right now. I recieved so many high-fives from guys at school tonight that my testosterone level is through the roof. I'm almost tempted to watch ESPN.

Oh, the humanity!

R Kelly, Albinos, and Pirate Chanties

I'm in a good mood tonight. Freshly showered after another long monday working both at Chipotle and Stillwater, and having just cracked open a bottle of Ezra Brooks bourbon, I find myself nice and chilled out. I'm trying like crazy to put out of my mind that this is the five year anniversary of 9/11/01. The pain of that day is still far too intense for me to deal with right now. I will never, ever, ever forget.

---

Found this great site the other day that generates seals. The site name is in the graphic if you're interested:



I thought the sailing ship was fitting since the final verse in a song I wrote is from whence this blog derives its name:

Where be ye me hardies? We'll sail the high seas
as we buckle the swash, in search of that rarest of treasures.
With a barrel of rum and a chantey to sing
as we search for that rarest of treasures!

---

I was thinking... I really like infrared portraits of women. The dark eyes and milky complection coupled with lightening of the hair are so exotic and beautiful. Then I realized: infrared portraits turn people somewhat albino.

So I send out this spell for love, as did the young girl in the movie Practical Magic (and with her intention of describing a non-existant person... past, present, or future): My true love will be an albino with creamy skin, bright purple eyes, and snow white hair. And she'll have a lovely singing voice. And she'll have a smile that lights up the darkness. And she'll have a weird hobby, like playing the tuba or raising mountain lions or something. And she'll glow as she dances in the full moonlight, and she'll pose patiently for my camera. And she'll be a terrible cook and we'll bumble through recipes together. And she'll have a figure like Kate Winslet before she got all skinny, a la "Quills". And she'll bear a striking resemblance to a lovely girl named Kena that I knew back in high school.

(here's a few photos of Chinese model Connie Chiu)




Or she'll be Chickpea, who transcends all previously mentioned criteria. :-) Honestly though, this time I'm simply in no hurry whatsoever.

---

Logged onto Myspace, which still pisses me off because it won't let me write or reply to any mail I get. But I did catch a screen shot of this interesting coincidence under the "cool new people" section:

Nothing new much going on, but I wanted to post anyhow simply to debunk any greatly exaggerated rumors of my untimely demise. Think of this as a place holder, if you will.

Got on the IM for the first time in ages, and had a fantastic conversation with Chickpea. Felt good to catch up on each others' comings and goings. Visited with Dark Haired Girl this evening. Poor girl's got the weight of the world on her shoulders right now and needed a shoulder if not to cry on, then at least to unload her frustrations on. Being a social worker, it's in her nature to nurture, so somehow (despite my intention to swoop in all hero-like and be the male girlfriend of the evening) the conversation ended up with me pouring my heart out to her as well, however little room I have to complain in my cushy little life. We parted with a very tender goodbye kiss and hug between friends.

Other than that, school's got me running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

---

Hey you in North Dakota. I still see your visits. :-) And g'day to my Aussie reader! It's such a shame about Steve Irwin, isn't it?

Nan, I think you're right.

---

Hit up the Turtle Creek flea market over half-way between here and Cincinnati, and I found a cool as hell old medium format camera, as well as a great portrait of a very stylized and fashionable lady from the 1920's. Good stuff.

---

I broke my boycott of the B and went there tonight to see if they had any good bands playing, and to while away a few dollars from my freshly cashed paycheck. Got just a tad drunk, not plastered, and really just drifted about for several hours happy in my own little world and running into people I know. But then it happened... toward the end of the night the old Andy started poking through.

WTF??

I thought I'd outgrown that part of myself. Seriously. I was having a great time, but then all of the sudden (and I think almost more out of habit than anything) I felt the first stirrings of becoming upset at all the social interactions going on around me that I personally wasn't taking part in. I wasn't even trying to. That wasn't even close to my intention or the point of going out last night at all... and I spent all evening up till the end feeling like a million dollars.

The moment that shit started up again, I left and walked back over to L&V to let the beer wear off and relax for a while before coming home. I can't figure myself out. I don't want to meet anybody now... why the near meltdown?

---

Anyway, I present to you now three of my favorite images from the infrared project from my Photo Design class:

The best shot of the project, an infrared image of Chuck's garden's tomatoes on the back patio table just after a rain. 

Infrared shot of the flowers out back. 

Me, through the infrared filter. 

So I met up with the guy to take photos, but the sky was cloudy, and he for obvious reasons wants pictures of sun and blue skies. The weather has been, is, and will be for several days, gloomy. In fact, today I was watching the weather radar channel, and because these are Ernesto's outer bands radiating from the east coast, the weather is moving backwards, from east to west. But I'm digging the cool temps and overcast skies. Very autumn-like, and fall is my favorite season. Makes me wanna put on a sweatshirt and drink hot cider. I woke up shivering last night and bundled up snugly in my blanket. It was nice.

I just realized... here we are at the tail end of the dog days of summer where it should still be swelteringly hot, and it takes a tropical storm to bring unseasonably cool weather. Go figure.

---

Anyway, I promised earlier to write about the lessons learned from Sophie, but frankly, I've been thinking so long and hard that I've absorbed them into a more intangible sense of experience rather than a list of thoughts. So here's the final epitaph: I am so much better a person emerging from this than I was when I first met her, and I have her to thank.

---

I've been talking to Dark Haired Girl lately. We've always kept up regular email contact, I just stopped talking about her on here. Anyway, hung out with her a couple of times in the last week, and contrary to my impression that any physical contact between us had ended last spring, we did fool around. It felt weird, though. Good, very good, but weird. I think it's because I tied emotions to the fling we had this last spring, and this time I didn't at all. It felt wrong yet good, and yet still I felt almost guilty. I mean, I'm single now. I can do what I want, right? I'm the proverbial "tomcat on the prowl". I dunno. Just felt weird because of the lack of feeling.

Am I becoming jaded? Maybe this is growing up. Before it felt innocent, and now it doesn't. This is confusing.