Andy v2.0: May 2005

Me at the warehouse right across the street. A bit of explanation here... I got a decent beer buzz going on and decided to grab the camera and walk around. Started here at the warehouse, then next door to the medical center, then next door again to Stillwater. Honestly, I'm kinda embarrassed about so brazenly walking all over private property. I blame the beer.

My apartment building is right across the street, straight ahead in this picture. This is one of my favorite night shots.

Outside the Outpatient medical center. Stillwater in the background.

again

Outside Stillwater, my uncle's plant. I really had no business being here. I blame the beer.

again

Attack of the 14-foot Andy! Seriously, I don't normally go around trespassing like this. God, I hope Uncle Bill doesn't see this.

And here, saving the best for last, is the best moon picture I've ever taken. It boggles me that I didn't jiggle. The shutter must've been open for a few seconds.

You might have noticed that I haven't been saying boo about Iraq, Bush, Afghanistan, or anything like that. (bad hippie! bad bad bad hippie!) Honestly, it's because I don't think I have anything to say that somebody else hasn't already said. But yesterday in the break room at work, I was talking to somebody and they wondered why we don't just pull out of Iraq. Then a fresh reason struck me.

When I was in basic training in the Air Force learning to salute, they taught us never to put your hand level, as if you were shielding your eyes from the sun. Instead, when you touch your middle fingertip to your brow, you tilt the palm of your hand inward, as if you were hiding something. It's a cocky gesture. It brags that America has never lost a war.

"What about Vientam? Korea?" I hear you ask. Congress never declared war, so technically we've never lost one. Oh, we've run from plenty of conflicts with our tail between our legs, but never a war.

Anyway, the reason we don't pull out of Iraq is because Congress went and declared honest-to-goodness war. Simply for the sake of pride, we're gonna stay there until they can find some lame-ass excuse to say "We have won the war!", and then get the fuck out of that embarrassment. Otherwise, if we just up and left, Dubya would've launched the first war America has ever lost (or, not won. we never lose) in its history.

That, and we'd have to change our salute to palm-out... and that ain't never gonna happen.

A Parable

This, too, shall pass.

Ever the one to eschew (a word far underused) rules and regulations, I now officially declare a sixth tag on Chickpea.

I'm just so totally flattered that a semi-celebrity who has had, to this moment, 110,175 visitors to their site would come to my little trifle of a blog. Yay!

But I still double-dog-dare you, Miss Pea, to answer the tag. :-)

I don't want to be the center of your universe,
just one of the many stars shining within you.
I don't want to be your knight in armour,
just the place you find peace in this overwhelming world.

Spent last evening with Angela at Avalanche. After a couple of hours of pizza, beer, and completely uninhibited getting crap off our chests, she had to go. Shortly after, I am sitting there finishing off the pitcher and listening to that amazing singer (btw, her name is Stephanie Westfall). Two very attractive ladies (showing gratuitous clevage) take a seat two tables away from me. They are clearly drunk, and are not being subtle talking about sex. Every guy that approaches gets met with "Hey baby, what's your name?" I even catch the occasional "...that guy with the long hair over there..."

They were blurry enough that I could've (almost too) easily gone over and gotten my flirt on bigtime. Yet having this opportunity handed to me on a sterling platter, I didn't really care. After Angela left, I just wanted to listen to the band and leave.

---

She called tonight and asked if we wanted to go out for a drink, which is the first time she's called me. I am tickled to no end by this. I have another honest-to-goodness, wanna-hang-out-with-me friend! (yay!) Unfortunately, after paying a bill or two I am totally broke, and having busted my ass at work building up for Memorial Day weekend (the busiest of the year for us), and having stayed up so late last night, I am so goddamned tired my eyes feel all fuzzy staying up to tell you guys about this (and I'm sure the quality is lacking).

Dammit. I'd've loved to go out. But I needed to stay home tonight. Dammit.

Caro's flowers on our back porch step. I decided to shell out the extra dollar or two for a roll of Kodak High Definition 400 film. I wanted to see how it picked up purples, as I have noticed that film tends to wash them to a vague blue-ish lavendar. All in all, I am very pleased with the quality of the color and detail of the prints. Wal-Mart is selling little 12-exposure trial rolls of Kodak "Professional Color" film. I think after I burn off the roll that's in my camera now, I'll buy a couple of those.

Wolfe peeking up from his favorite dining room chair.

This is Lilly. Posted with her permission.

Lilly's tattoo. This is a memorial to her girlfriend, Orchid, who passed away.

Small portion of the Korean War Memorial. This part broke down the casualties by Ohio county. The sheer volume of names absolutely boggled me.

Dayton skyline from the Riverside Dr. bridge.

The address was "329", but the nine looked like it was smiling.

By the Riverscape in Dayton, they put up all these neat interactive sculptures commemorating inventions that came from Dayton. Did you know that the cash register, pop-top soda can, and the single-lever ice tray all came from here?

Ladder on the front of a building. There is razor wire around the base to keep people from climbing.

Underside

Street light post. Rev. Cool hosts a show, "Around the Fringe" on friday nights on WYSO. (they stream over the internet...hint hint)

Old sign. The building is still home to an auto repair shop.

This is just a portion of a beautiful mural on the outside wall of a ballet school. I'd never seen this before, as I never really drive around this end of Dayton.

Detail of the ballet school mural.

Some guy was laying on the sidewalk by Fifth Third Field, holding himself up with the fence. This struck me as odd, but I didn't want to piss him off by standing there and aiming the camera, so I was just walking by with the camera hanging waist-high off my shoulder. Without stopping, I was all subtle-like in reaching down to the camera, pointing it at him, hitting the shutter, and letting it go really quickly. I hoped this one would turn out.

I was meandering past Fifth Third Field back to the car when some guy dressed in business clothes and carrying an attache case hurried past me. I thought this plus the urban setting would make a good picture.

Me outside the back door of Figlio, which is right next to Books & Co. Coincidentally, this is the same outfit I was wearing when I took these pictures a month or two ago.

These are the photos taken the day I took my ring off. I love the afternoon light that comes in through my west-facing bedroom window.

Again.

Made a new friend today

Ok, so not exactly new, but somewhat better now. Went to sell some used books at Browse Awhile Books in Tipp City, and got to talking with Lilly, the girl who runs the place (most of the time). I like Lilly. She's kinda cute and has this sort of easy grin/smartass attitude/SCA ren fest/witchy/I-could-talk-to-her-for-hours/out in the open kind of appeal.

Anyways, after she gave the usual generous price for our books, I asked to take her picture (as I am trying to get more people pictures) I'm gonna develop the roll and have it posted tomorrow. So I mention to her my Flickr page, and we end up exchanging blog addresses. She's also in the process of setting up an online business, Amberlilys, and asked if I would be a guinea pig to get a male perspective on their lotions and stuff. I tell her I can put on the testosterone attitude to give her a manly point of view, but she says that any guy who gets on a site to order lotion is probably more like the real me than a jarhead. Oh... yeah. Good point. :-)

"Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?"

I was tagged a few days ago by Raven to list ten things I've never done. I didn't get this until now, because I access my blogs by my sidebar instead of typing them in. When I put Raven on my links, I accidentally made the hyperlink go to "ravenslong" instead of "ravenslog", so I thought her blog was down or something.

A freudian whip? I mean slip? :-)

Anyhoo, here are Ten Things I've Never Done:

1) Given/recieved oral sex in a movie theater. I hope to remedy this... both ways.
2) Shrooms
3) The Macarena
4) Body shots. Not even sure exactly what that is, but it sounds fun.
5) Eaten escargots
6) Been stuffed into a locker. Being the fat kid had its benefits.
7) Won a game of billiards
8) Held a tarantula
9) Serenaded my true love at her bedroom window
10) Chased a tornado... or even seen one, for that matter. I hope to remedy this... both ways.

I tag Texas Gurl, Nanabear, Mila (if she still reads me), Orb, and Mr. Unknown Commenter.

That's one small step for an everyday shmoe...

But one giant leap for your dear Grover. Today, under urging, I removed the wedding band. I was going to wait until all was said and done and official, but now that it's off I can't imagine putting it back on.

Strangely, I'm getting weird blend of feelings. It's unnatural yet burden-relieving. Bordering on uncomfortable, yet incredibly freeing. I took some pictures of my left hand this afternoon, my finger still freshly dented, tanned, and chapped where the ring was. This seemed far too important an event not to document. What a brave new world this has suddenly become.

---

I was looking at the Found Photos site again, and I realized something. I've always felt that my pictures lack something, and I realized that it's human presence. Unless I'm taking a photo of myself, or maybe some stray passer-by, I don't have any people to take pictures of. My camera is a way of communicating the world that I see, and the little details that I busy with to distract myself in lieu of other people in my life to interact with. I realized, fuck, I'm really lonely.

But! But, but, but... lest this be a downer of a post, I have a silver lining. With the ring removal came a shift in attitude. I will not wait until November to start my life. I am not going to let external decisions control me like that. A few weeks ago I joined the Yahoo group for Dayton Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Trans social events, and got an email from a gay couple here in Troy asking if I wanted to get together. Not a sex thing, just hang out. I told them that I was waiting until I was free in September. Well, I emailed them back apologizing for the brush-off, and that I'd love to get together. On top of this, I emailed Angela and we're getting together again Thursday at Avalanche. Now that I've gotten everything off my chest to her, this will be the first time I can fully relax and just enjoy her company. Looking very forward to that.

Yes, I'm lonely, but my social life is slowly and surely re-animating back into functionality. Wish me luck!

I Like Mondays

No, really. That's not sarcasm. It's nice to get back around all my friends here. The highlight, though, is asking Party Boy how his weekend went. Each week he has a new adventure story, and today was no exception.

His tale of drunken debauchery this week included a hotel room with a jacuzzi, several of his friends, entirely too much alcohol, and girls in bikinis... and he was taking pictures of it all.

First thing out of my mouth, "Really, what kind of camera?"

*sigh*

Some of the white blossoms turned purple before a good rain came and blew them all off. This is my sling patio chair after the shower.

again

Vanishing point and sunset outside Stillwater.

Moon through a tree outside Stillwater.

Sunset over the highway.

again

Fountain in the Koi pond.

Japanese bridge over the Koi pond out front of the Stillwater / Motoman building.

again

me

This is an old train station. The tracks above are the same line as the afore-posted bridge series. There are still old floor tiles under all that garbage. Even though there are "No Trespassing" signs posted all around, there is no fence to keep anybody out. So, one fine day, I decided to take me a peek. It was really dark under there, as evidenced by how the camera's iris had to open wide and make the sunlight outside super intense.

There was some colorful graffiti on a wall just beyond the station, but it got washed out in the sunlight.

Ludlow Street in the background. There was this recliner just sitting there. I imagined some street bum sitting there at night with his bottle of Wild Irish Rose.

Forest of pillars

Electric bus cables in dowtown Dayton.

Detail of a building on 5th street right down from the Sinclair parking garage.

This was meant just as another reflection self portrait, but with the slightly motion-blurred student behind me, it became a statement on the current state of my life. There I am on a college campus, students with books (and lives) blurred in forward motion, while I have nothing better to do than to stand there with my hands in my pockets. No forward motion.

Good news...

Groovy new update on the movie blog. Good things happening soon.

Armand, my bestest buddy

D-Day bumped back from September to October. Nixed my MySpace page. Glorified dating service, that's all MySpace really is. Maybe I'll start it back up in 4 or 5 months.

---

I've been worrying about this. I keep asking myself if I find the right girl, will I be able to keep interest in her for long? How long will it take for my eye to start roving, and I start complaining about being trapped? Is history doomed to repeat itself? Will I be fair to her, will I be a good boyfriend, or will I just end up fucking her over? I don't want to do that.

Then I found hope in something today: my cat, Armand. I realized that he was born just about when I got married seven years ago. Today I was laying on the bed watching American Chopper when he hopped up and curled next to me. To this day, I still find him irresitably adorable. I still want to pick him up and squeeze the feline lovin out of him. I still look forward each day to coming home and scritching his furry little tummy. After seven years, I haven't even begun to feel "trapped" by my obligation to him.

Sure, Armand may rub up against other peoples' legs, he may even curl with somebody else at night. He may solicit a little attention from other people right in front of me as I am promiscuously petting other cats. But I know that in the end, he's my #1 favorite cat and I'm his #1 favorite person, and we're totally inseperable.

And so I think that if I found the right person, as long as the love remains unconditional and without strings, I think I could still find them irresistably adorable and want to squeeze the lovin out of them every single day, even after seven years (and far beyond). This encourages me.

I'm only Andy. I am not a knight in shining armour. I can't sweep you off your feet. I'm not very well endowed, and if it's a good day I can last about 30 seconds. But, like Armand, I have pure unconditional love to give, with no strings attached, as long as it is sincerely returned. Just the pure feline love of a cat who wants to curl up against you and purr for a while.